fat girl

I would have been fine if john hadn’t come to my desk with a jelly donut. Dammit. So I ate the jelly donut and I’m on phase 1. I’m so horrible. No wonder I’m fat. :(

Day 211-27

Monday was okay. I’m doing okay without cookies, but I think I’m just compensating with SF candy. That’s probably not a good thing. But spinach/egg casserole & HB egg for breakfast; jello for snack; salad with chicken/cheese/OG dressing and jello for lunch; cheese for snack; garlic/parm. chicken for supper.

Day 210-26

Sunday was a decent day. Eggs for breakfast, dc and cheese for snack, sb pizza for supper (had to get rid of it), but then…the attack of the SF Reese’s PB cups. AARRGGHH! Oh well…I missed supper because I was working on a project for my taxes and snacked on these in the meantime.

So Monday starts Phase 1 again. yay! The goal is to get to my goal I had back in August – I want to be there by my birthday – that gives me a little over a month to lose 10 pounds. I have a couple whoosh weeks in there so hopefully this’ll be possible.

Go moe.

Day 208-24, 209-25

The cookies are gone from my house now. I gave all the snickerdoodles to Debbie. I’ll probably make more sometime since it’s become more therapy than anything, but I’ll be certain to take them to school or guards instead of eating them all myself. Pants have been a little snug this past week or so…not a good thing. So tomorrow will officially begin Phase 1 again. Wanted to start today, but had an SB pizza left in my freezer that would have taunted me the next two weeks…so tomorrow it is. I think I’m also going to try getting up early and working out in the AM instead of at night. the night thing hasn’t been working lately…I’m not sure the morning will be much better but if I’m determined I think I can. I’ll just be the little engine that could.

So the recipe from the previous post didn’t come through so here it is (in green is what I used, in blue is the stuff I left out…I’m too picky sometimes. And I got 3 servings out of this, but I also used 20 oz of chicken instead of 1/2 pound and left off all the messy extras – which also explains why I didn’t use all the stuff):

Salsa Chicken
Serves 2

Ingredients
4 cups finely shredded iceberg lettuce
1 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into 1" pieces
1 large egg whites
1 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 ounces chunky tomato salsa
1⁄4 cup fat-free sour cream
Cilantro sprigs (optional)

Instructions
Divide the lettuce among 2 individual plates, cover and set aside. In a bowl, combine the chili powder and cumin. Add the chicken, turning to coat. Lift the chicken from the bowl, shaking off the excess coating. Dip the chicken into the egg white, then coat again with the remaining dry mixture.

Heat the oil in a wide nonstick frying pan or wok over medium heat. When the oil is hot, add the chicken and stir-fry gently until no longer pink in the center. Cut to test (5–7 minutes). Remove the chicken from the pan and keep warm. Pour the salsa into the pan; reduce the heat to medium and cook, stirring, until the salsa is heated through and slightly thickened.

Arrange the chicken over the lettuce; top with the salsa and sour cream. Garnish with cilantro sprigs, if using.

Day 207-23

I kind of came to a decision last night. Sunday I’m going to start Shrovetide and have all my cookies gone or given away and with Shrovetide I’m going to restart Phase 1 of SB. Maybe during the Lenten 40 days of fasting I can have a purpose-driven weight loss and exercise regime occurring. I still have 10 pounds of my initial goal to lose and i've been avoiding that goal for awhile. I think now is the time to take those steps again. It takes 21 days to make a habit, so maybe 40 days will help to reinstall the good habits I had started back in August.

Made this recipe last night. If the link doesn’t work, let me know and I’ll put the recipe here. I made some alterations – like leaving out the egg whites, sour cream, lettuce and cilantro (yeah, pretty much half the recipe - oh well). Pretty much just chicken and spice. But damn good.

Day 206-22

E brought up a good point about Mardi Gras, happening next Tuesday. It’s the time of gorging on food as a way of ‘preparing’ for Lent. I like the idea of Shrove Tuesday a bit better (with the self-examination, confession of sins and receiving absolution) but til that becomes more prominent we'll just have to keep with this.

I haven’t thought much about Lenten disciplines because it never seems to be something I do well. (Hell, I can’t even discipline myself now - I’m not disciplined enough in general, I guess.) But I think this year would be good for me to really think about – no more cookies, exercise more, daily meditation.

It seems almost like a New Year’s Resolution which I guess in a way it would be. Lent, though in the middle of the year, is really a preparation for Christ’s death and resurrection. We know how it will end (I think about the disciples who had no clue and how much more traumatic that must have been), we know the outcome – we know the greatness of the Easter moment…but to really feel that greatness I think we need to see Lent is a very important time – a time to focus on what’s coming and our service to the Lord.

Not sure this is done by giving up on cookies and exercising more but maybe that’ll help.

Day 200-16, 201-17, 202-18, 203-19, 204-20, 205-21

I think I’ve been avoiding this blog. Cookies and Diet Coke with Splenda. I did make my spinach/egg casserole thing from the Low-Carb Bible cookbook E&K gave me for Christmas. I had portioned it out last night and left one of the portions on the stove this morning. Aren’t I smart.

Really, other than cookies, my eating isn’t bad. I drink a lot of CL throughout the day, usually 1 to 1 ½ DC’s a day during the week (on the weekend reverse this), I eat my eggs for breakfast, salad with chicken or turkey loaf for lunch, a light supper…snacking on jello and cheese. It’s just the cookies. I feel like I’m turning into this.

Next I need to get back to Bally's. I had a dream last night that I was doing pushups (25 girl pushups for a warm-up, then I moved to regular push-ups and did them the appropriate way and did 50. Somehow the normal ones didn't hurt like the girl pushups did. weird. I think this dream stemmed from reading about Jack Palance at the Oscar's). I think this is a hint.

Day 199-15

Not bad Wednesday…had a good breakfast, then SB wrap for lunch…but then Wendy’s spicy chicken for supper – felt like crap this morning because of it. blech. Maybe I just need more cookies.

Day 198-14

Funny. I weighed in this morning…still at 143. Yet I eat cookies by the pound. This is going to catch up to me soon, I fear, and it won’t be pretty. Maybe my drinking all that CL yesterday helped. Let’s hope so…

I’ve been forgetting to eat supper lately…eating cookies instead. This is the second night in a row I haven’t eaten a real meal at night. Probably not a good thing…could be because I need to get groceries or I’m just so tired and unmotivated to do much of any cooking. Who knows?

Went to Keith yesterday…that was good. A much needed hour on the table – of course it took me 30 minutes to relax and enjoy it but when I finally did, I really zoned out – so much so it took me awhile to actually get up. Oh well.

I have to find a good recipe for this weekend. J is having back surgery today and asked me to come over this weekend sometime with dinner and a movie to keep him company. Should be doable…just need to figure out what to make. I’m thinking maybe my ginger chicken from the SB book. That’s easy and yummy. But we’ll see.

Day 197-13

Ooooo….SO not good. I’m feeling my rolls returning. TOO many cookies and SO many excuses to avoid the gym. I have to quit that. (The excuses, not the gym)

Day 193-9, 194-10, 195-11, 196-12

Let’s see…Thursday I made cookies, Friday I ate cookies, Saturday I made more cookies (for a project actually) but I also ate cookies, Sunday I finished the cookies (the project, not eating them all) and didn’t make anymore. But I did make chocolate covered Strawberries.

I hate stress. Stress eating is the worst. My diet is consisting of diet coke and cookies. MUST get to the gym tonight. ugh.

Day 190-6, 191-7, 192-8

Okay let’s just be honest. My diet sucks. I started … crap I just realized I used ‘diet’. Dammit. No wonder I’m messed up. Let’s try this again.

Okay let’s just be honest. My meal plans suck. I started brining my lunch again on Monday, not that I had stopped, but it was salad with chicken and my eggs and stuff…good eats, but the I don’t eat supper or I eat cookies, and more cookies. Last night I ate SB stuff all day, not that that’s bad but it’s not good. Then I went to the Chatterbox and had garlic squash dip (which was really yummy, by the way). And today I actually ate the Buffet Ole food they had in the café. Money will really change your mindset for things (free meal since I blew up balloons). But all I want is to eat cookies. But I’m out of cookies. Which is probably a good thing. Ugh. I haven’t been to the gym in almost 3 weeks now. No wonder I feel like crap. Guh.

Day 189-5

UFF DA! I have no self control and I’m chalking it up to PMS though it’s probably something worse. Mom sent her leftover retirement cake with me to guards and I had 3, yes THREE, pieces before we left for home. Practically pure sugar. Ugh! Then I get home and I made cookies! (I only ate 2 of those and they were low-fat sugar cookies, but I fear I’ll be frosting them tonight) What is wrong with me?

Days 186-2, 187-3, 188-4

Kind of a rough start to the month. Cookies are evil. I hate fit testing. And bread is just not good anymore. Well…lemme ‘splain…no there is too much…lemme sum up.

So all my cookies are gone now…and I ate most of them. I tried a new recipe Wed. night that were supposed to be jelly filled but I couldn’t get the sides to work right (which means I’ll have to try them again sometime so I can get it to work right). So I just frosted those and went with it.

Fit testing sucks…I can’t get my recovery rate to be low enough. Last year I had a recovery rate of 108 for a fitness age of 33. This time I was at 114 which, apparently, ages me 17 years – which really makes no sense. So I passes but I failed…what’s that in the LS world? An “M”. ugh. It doesn’t keep me away from Alaska but I do get to test again in August…well maybe April. I think if I can get my run time low enough then I’ll be okay…they don’t test your heart rate after the run – that’s all a timing issue. So there’s another goal to add to the ever growing list. Ugh.

And bread…I had a hamburger last night…oh wait, no. I had a butterburger last night. I’m not really impressed with their burgers but oh well…I won’t be eating another anytime soon so it doesn’t matter all that much…other than I feel like crap this morning.

Today is the super bowl. Good thing I’m basically on the road or in church the whole time. Not that I really care about it anyway. But I’m being like E and whatever parts of it I do watch, I’ll be watching alone. By choice. Without cookies. :)

Day 185-1

So Feb 1 marked 6 months exactly since I started SB. Interesting to see the changes from then til now. Back then I felt horribly fat and needed to make some changes. Today I just feel fat and still need to make changes.

Sad, I know…I’m so great at self-deprecation. But it’s really about perspectives. 6 months ago I knew I had to do something or I was going to really lose control of myself and I couldn’t let that happen. Now I look at me and realize that though a lot of the weight is gone, it’s been gone for awhile and I’m getting used to the ‘new’ me which is starting to look fat again.

Could be that I haven’t been running as much as I was so I’m not feeling how I should.
Could be that I’ve been eating/making too many cookies to really see anything good in me.
Could be that time of the month. God help the woman with PMS.

I have a few weeks til I hopefully go to Texas. A few measly weeks to get my ass in gear and get back on track.
It’s been 6 months…maybe it’s time for a re-ignition. I need a new goal and focus.

But what will that be?

Day 183-30, 184-31

Sort of back on schedule for eating, the cookies are a little detrimental but otherwise I’m doing okay. But I made a spinach, egg thing for breakfast – not bad – I’ve been bringing that to work each day this week, then my standard salad with chicken and cheese for lunch. Supper is a little rough. Monday was an SB bar; Tuesday was wingy and veggies at OC then an SB bar to cut down on the alcohol I ingested. :) hopefully Wed will be better.