Day 181-28, 182-29

Not the best weekend but I’ve had worse. Saturday was pretty standard. Talked with K&E which was great…I think I’m with them on this – it’s going to really come down to the gym anymore. The eating thing just isn’t cutting it like it did in August.

Sunday I went to the May Day with A2. Pretty cool place. I’ll have to visit there again. Then I basically didn’t eat until 8:30 – I snacked on cookies (stone crock cookies and snickerdoodles – two new recipes I tried yesterday) but not that many. But then at 8:30 I was just craving tuna – seriously…craving tuna. I have no idea why, probably lack of protein but weird craving to have. So I had tuna and it was good. Strange…

Day 178-25, 179-26, 180-27

Garlic parmesan chicken Wed. night. mmm mmm good, though it smells like ‘farm’ when I make it, so I have all the fans in my house running whenever it’s baking to deter the smells elsewhere. Not bad for food Wednesday, but still not very good either. I’m thinking Monday will have to be a restart week again – not my typical cleansing restart (though that probably wouldn’t hurt either) but a true moving back to Phase 1. Like my friends, I’ve been struggling – though I haven’t had to deal with cheese, beer and pasta church functions…I just have to deal with my pathetic self and lack of self-control.

Oh and I’ve gained back a few pounds, which sucks, but then I look at my list of decreasing weight since last July and I think, damn, at least I’m not 20 pounds heavier like I was back then. But then I pass the mirror which reminds me that I still am fat, even if I am thinner than I was. And then Mark will walk up to me and say, “Hey Skinny” which boosts my ego, but then the mirror finds me again. maybe I just need to get rid of the mirrors.

I haven’t been to the gym since uhg, what Saturday? Crap. I’m so screwed next week. tomorrow I must go.

Day 177-24

National Peanut Butter Day. And I think all I had to celebrate was Reese’s SF PB Cups.

Seriously, I AM my own worst enemy. I did finally return to eggs for breakfast, but only because I had 4 HB’d ones that I didn’t use for the spinach/egg thing I was going to make from my new cookbook (I didn’t have the ham needed…so alas, this will be for Saturday instead). And I did have my salad for lunch, but then it all got shot to hell. Deb and I went to the Yarn Café after work and didn’t eat supper, so getting home at 8:45pm I was famished…but instead of eating something healthy, I had 6 cookies. Horrible.

I think I need to return this blog to a food journal and write down what I eat each day. Maybe that’ll help me keep on track better. So the 2 of you who actually read this, be forewarned…coming soon to the blog near you…daily reports of what Moe is actually eating. O! joy, O! rapture!

I am actually really stoked about this...now I just need to find them at the store!

Day 176-23

I’m my own worst enemy. If only I could beat myself up then I’d be okay. Well, I guess I could, but that may lead to some serious psychological disorders (I mean, worse than I already have). I missed national pie day. I can’t believe I did that. Probably better for the ever-expanding waistline but MAN! I had a logical excuse to bake an apple pie again, and I missed it! Well, I may have to have a delayed celebration and combine it with the Chinese New Year coming up on Sunday. Yeah, that’ll work.

Didn’t work out last night. Headed toward the gym but it was snowing pretty hard and I feared I’d have to get up and shovel so I opted to wait it out. Big mistake since in the end there wasn’t enough snow to make it even worthwhile. I’m so stupid.

Day 173-20, 174-21, 175-22

Wow 175 days and the last few have sucked. I am my own worst enemy. (what’s the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?) Friday went to the Chatterbox with IL. That was fun and good eats but SO not on SB. Oh well. Saturday and Sunday went okay. Made CC cookies Sunday night and that was basically supper. Someday maybe I’ll figure things out.

Saturday I did hit the gym (smiley for me!) and it was awesome. I took the latest pron with me and read while I ran: excellent diversion which helped me to run faster and longer. I felt great when I was finished, and subsequently was sore on Sunday (not surprising since I hadn’t run since Monday). I need to keep this up since I have to do the fit test on the 4^th (though I think this will be the damn step test – joy).

Day 172-19

Uffda. I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. This is so not good. And last night was HO’s last surprise retirement party at the Liffey with great appetizers and lots to drink. What a great night but oh so detrimental for the diet! And tonight is supper with IL, so no gym tonight either. Tomorrow is going to hurt.

I will say it’s funny – I was talking to JR last night and she was commenting on how she has seen me lose weight over the past few months and was feeling jealous (maybe?). So last night I looked in the mirror again and I just don’t see it. I think I’ve talked about this before but I wonder if I’ll ever see myself as thinner or will I always be fat in my eyes. I think SK has it right here (fourth paragraph especially). Maybe someday my brain will catch up with my body, but right now it’s so not happening. SO I just smile and nod when people tell me I look thinner, and I chuckle as I pull my size 10 pants around and fold the waistband over knowing I could go smaller but also feeling fearful of going and actually buying new pants for fear that I will balloon up again and the smaller size will just hang in my closet like the skirts I bought years ago (which I can fit into now but have no reason to ever wear them).

day 171-18

Iffy day. I’m really into phase 2 I think – well I must be since I had a meal replacement bar for breakfast yesterday AND today. oh well. Phase 2 is okay. OH, and no smiley again – I’m such a loser. I ended up catching Sarah up on the weekend which led to a very long discussion and me missing supper (well, jello and sun chips).

day 170-17

Last night I felt like crap. I don’t know why…I’ve gone through my list of eats for the day and nothing was out of the ordinary (except maybe week old chicken, but it didn’t smell bad). So I don’t know. I woke up this morning feeling crappy too, though that’s getting better. No smiley yesterday – had the Guthrie instead. Leaving work early today to work out before choir. Excellent – I’ll be all red faced and tired when I get to see Ethan. Oh well…the struggles I go through to get skinny.

day 169-16

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Saturday I slept in til 11, but with good reason since I was up til 2. But Monday…WHY did I need to sleep til 11? I went to bed at 10:30! This is why days off are bad. They throw me out of sync with the rest of my life.
But the day wasn’t a total waste. I worked out in the afternoon which was good since due to appointments I won’t make it back til Friday (maybe Thursday). Uffda. Food okay, but not the greatest. Oh well…Tuesday is back to ‘normal’ so it should be better.

Day 166-13, 167-14, 168-15

I’m not sure what I’m doing. I think I’m on phase 1.5 but not quite phase 2, yet phase 2 is a lot like 1.5 except that I don’t have carbs everyday. It’s odd, but okay. Friday I went running in the afternoon (I love comp time) then had a SB pizza for supper. I was feeling really tired and I thought it might be because I have had much for carbs besides lettuce lately so I thought a few might not hurt. Of course that leads to another pizza Saturday and another today. Oh well. Tomorrow I’ll be back to just meat and salad which is good.

The only bad thing is that my back has been hurting lately. I’m not sure if it’s because Saturday I slept til 11 (not having gone to bed til 2 so really 9 hours like normal) and then sat in a chair all day watching movies, knitting and reading. It was just weird. I woke up Sunday with my back in pain. It sucks because I don’t get to see Keith this week. I’m feeling okay now but hopefully this won’t become a trend.

So I have just the rest of this evening to go. I brought a meal replacement bar so I don't have to eat at the cafe and celery and SB cookies to snack on. Tomorrow back to the grind.

Day 165-12

Note to self: Running less than 45 minutes after eating at Champps is NOT a good idea.

So I get a smiley but just a little one since I didn’t run long or hard enough last night. Oh, the chicken was good but it just sat in my stomach like a rock while I ran. Ugh. So I broke a sweat (probably fever induced from the ill feeling of the chicken in my gut) and then left the gym. Tonight I must go to make up for it. Food was okay yesterday – finished off the leftover chocolate toffee from Kellie – but otherwise I ate well. I’m drinking a lot of CL. Not sure if that’s a sign of becoming diabetic (I fear this since it runs in the family) or if it’s just that I’m trying to keep hydrated. It has helped my skin – it’s not near as dry as it was when I was drinking DC every day all day. So there we go.

Day 164-11

Well, *sigh* no smiley for me (not that I had time to get to the gym being at work til 5:30 then 3 hours of choir) but in reality I should get a big FAT frownie for Wed. I had completely forgotten that I had scheduled Kellie to come for a tasting for event stuff. Kellie and I had met in December at a Jaztro gig and found we work in similar areas – plus I’m SO jealous of her kitchen (I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m hoping someday to – her description makes my mouth water. Yes, I’m pathetic). So at 2pm I’m chomping on candy, so not sugar free though I did avoid the chex mix which was good. OH she makes good candy. Then I had fruit slices, oranges and apples, left over from the non-existent faculty meeting to counter the garlic chicken I had for supper. It helped my breath, but so not on phase 1.

So in an attempt to truly kill myself this morning I weighed in, just for kicks. And I’ve lost 2 pounds. (143, omigod I haven’t been this since college) HOW does this work? I don’t get it. Is it just ‘cause it is whoosh week? Is it because I’ve been drinking over 90 oz of CL and ONE diet coke a day versus the opposite as I had been? Maybe this phase 1 thing is for the birds. Well, it’s not, I know. But I remember writing in to the SB guy when I signed up for the website and when I had told him I was on phase 1.5 he said to go all the way to phase 2 which, he had said, is designed for the most weight loss. So I’m hoping that I’ll reset enough this week to get back on track and move into phase 1.5 next week and by the 23^rd be fully into phase 2. I don’t think 2 weeks on phase 1 is going to help me.

It’s probably a good thing I kept with the continuation of counting days. I have made a lot of changes over the past months and maybe those are what I should focus on:

• I don’t eat white trash pizza anymore. In fact the thought of it makes me feel nauseated.
  
• I don’t drink Mello Yello like water.
  
• I actually drink WATER (under the guise of CL, of course)
  
• I switched to Diet Coke with Splenda.
  
• I bring my lunch instead of eating out every day (this is good for the pocketbook too!).
  
• I love SF candy. "normal" stuff is just so sweet
  
• I buy lite cool whip instead of ice cream.
  
• I enjoy running and joined a gym.
  
• I rarely eat breads or pastas unless they are whole-wheat

I don’t know. It’s very weird. But I’m going to keep with it. Something is working even with my slip-ups. It’s crazy but I’m glad. Tonight is night out with the cool Y&F folks and then to the gym. I even brought my clothes along. Very strange, I am.

Day 163-10

SMILEY for me! Finally pulled my head out of my ass and went to Bally’s last night. It was good. Busy with all the new-yearer’s but a treadmill was open so I was happy. I love running next to big men, I fell little then. Plus sometimes I can match their pace, which helps my breathing. It’s weird, but when someone is pounding the conveyor belt next to me but is faster or slower than I am, and they’re pounding really hard, it’s difficult for me to concentrate. I don’t wear headphones, for many reasons, so the uneven rhythm is hard to follow. It’s nicer when the gym is practically empty, which it will be soon I hope, so I can space myself out a bit more.

So is it a perverted form of voyeurism to like watching your own legs run? It’s just amazing to see the power your body can do. Of course after running the mile and half, required by the AF and by then I was tired (SO out of shape), I walked on an incline for 3 minutes. Only three minutes because watching my legs jiggle and look super fat when walking is a great motivator to run more. So then I ran another 9 minutes before cooling-down. Not bad. I ended up 2.69 miles with over 300 calories burned. That’s a nice start PLUS, like I said, I get a smiley!

I can’t wait until people stop coming. Of course Bally’s is a little different since people have to pay to use the place. It was interesting to see the folks there last night especially since I’m not usually there on Tuesdays (that’s gonna change). But, all these couples were coming in to work out together (aw! make me puke) or the trio of girls who have decided to set goals together who stood giggling with each other and staring at the cardio equipment and wondering what to do when there was only 1 treadmill open and 2 elliptical’s (Oh heavens!). At least I don’t have any kids running around.

But I’m very excited right now. Things are going very well with eating and now working out. Of course it’s only been 2 days, but it’s a great start. Yay me!

Day 162-9

So I’m going to just continue the journey and keep marking as I have been. (thanks for your help JB!) I figure even though I splurged on cookies a lot during the last month (and boy do I mean a lot!) I still kept losing and I didn’t really stray from the plan overall. It’s a lifestyle change. I still avoided most bread, I tried to cook low-fat and low-sugar, and having reset myself this weekend I don’t know that I will stay on Phase 1 all that long. Really I’m giving up the SB food supplements via Kraft for the week and returning to the faboo SF candy and string cheese. It’s great and I don’t want to lose that momentum.

Yesterday was great. Eggs for breakfast, cheese for snack, salad for lunch (with OG dressing which only has 2g of sugar – yay!) with jello for dessert, cheese for pm snack, and chili parmesan chicken for supper (which I altered and also made a garlic one – recipe below) with a little cool whip for dessert. I did have a Clementine around noon but such a small orange I don’t think will affect me much – plus I need the Vitamin C after being around sick people all weekend. I can’t get sick!

So, last night I baked up a bunch of chicken with this recipe:

¼ cup low-fat parmesan grated cheese (the green container, you know), divided in half
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp garlic powder

Mix chili powder in one portion of cheese; Mix garlic powder in other half.
Coat chicken with choice of mixture.
Bake at 400 for 20 to 25 minutes or until cooked through.

I got this recipe off the Kraft SB website. It’s actually just the chili parmesan chicken recipe but I like garlic better. This is so good. It ends up being like breaded chicken but SO much better for you. It’s great hot or cut up cold for a salad (today’s lunch plan). YUM!

I didn’t go to the gym (no smiley) though I did do some crunches and push-ups to start preparing for February’s fit testing for guards. I feel bad I didn’t run, but I got so much prepared for the week – chicken cooked and cubed, jell-o made, grocery list made, a load of laundry done, dishes done, CL made for the day…it’s great. I usually do this all on Sunday nights, but that night I was exhausted from the weekend so it moved to Monday. But I feel prepared now. I’m really ready to get back into the swing of things. I can’t wait to run tonight. I’m actually looking forward to it. YAY!

Starting over-

Today I restart on Phase 1 again. As I’ve been keeping a tally of days I almost want to start with Day 1 again, but I’m not sure. I really didn’t go off the plan completely so I don’t want to restart my count (I mean, 161 days is nothing to sneeze at) but then I think if I start over it’ll be like a clean slate. Of course if I do start with counting today as day 1 again then it’ll seem more like a resolution than a continuation of a change I made back in August. I don’t know. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I suppose I could count it as “Day 1/162-9” for today or would that get too confusing? That might help me track how many times I start over in the end. Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’ll sleep on it.

Day 159-6, 160-7, 161-8

This weekend was my reset weekend. The holidays are over so now it’s back to business, so to speak. Friday was my last day eating whatever. I had a BK burger for lunch and mom and I went out for Chinese for supper. I ate too much and felt like crap which is probably a good reminder why I shouldn’t eat that stuff. Saturday was liquid day. It’s supposed to be just water and juice but I added in tomato soup for supper. I needed something with a bit of sustenance. Of course then Sunday I could add in fruit and the apple I ate stuck in my stomach and made me feel like crap all day. Thank goodness this is over. It’s not normally this bad, but I had the wrong fruit. I think the reset works better with watermelon and grapes than apples. A note to remember if I have to do this again.

Day 156-3, 157-4, 158-5

These last three days have been great and bad all at once. I’ve worked to get back on track of making and bringing my lunch and breakfast – cheaper and better for me – (this is the good part) and K&E were in town last night so woohoo! (still good) we had WINGY!!!! mmmmm wingy. (good, but bad)

The other bad part is that I haven’t gotten back to the gym yet. Monday…Monday I must. I must, I must, I must increase my…workouts. (Are you there gym, it’s me…moe).

After tonight (the 6^th), I’m doing 3 days of reset before moving back to phase 1. I’ve really gotten off these past few months so I know if I don’t reset I’ll slip back to the cookies and pizza and stuff which isn’t going to help. Back to the basics, reset myself and back to the beach.

K&E got me a new “bible” for Xmas – The Low-Carb Bible. It’s SO awesome! It has all sorts of info and recipes that can be incorporated into the beach plan. It’s fabulous! I can’t wait to use it.

Day 154-1, 155-2

Well, the new year has begun. I tried a SB recipe one of these two days – it was actually an appetizer recipe (scroll down to Kraft products and recipes, click on learn more, snacks, mini spinich cups) and turned out not too bad. The turkey part was really salty for my taste, but overall I was pleased (esp. being a non-cream cheese person). They reheat well, too. I packed my lunch for today, which of course I decided to do this morning instead of last night so I was a little late for work (great way to start the year), but at least I’m taking the steps. I’m going to try to grill steak tonight on my George Foreman grill. I haven’t done that but I’ve been craving steak lately so hopefully it’ll work.

Next step: getting back to the gym. In light of jb’s and jf’s hatred of the resolutionary’s moving into the gym the first few weeks of January and causing a ruckus, I probably will go later in the evening and run for my 30 or so, and move in more next week with the weights and such after the first week rush is over. Besides, I haven’t had a smiley in my planner in a while and I need those smiley’s!

Oh and one more to add to the lifestyle changes below, but this is more of a goal with a deadline, and i hate deadlines: I have to run 1.5 miles in under 15 by March 1. here we go, girl.

Lifestyle changes – an update and refresher moment

Each January 1 seems to bring out the resolutions – things people will stop doing or start doing because, damn, their life needs to be fixed. The problem with these resolutions, per se, is that they come in the dead of winter after 2 months of overindulgence of food and drink and bad habits. And in this quick-fix world, when habits from old come into play while you’re trying to instill habits of new, the old habits seem to win out because the habits of new just don’t catch on quick enough. Someone once said it takes you 21 days to create or break a habit. I even mentioned that here at one point. So now I’m back to August, but with a few different moments and more specifics. Keith had wanted me to set a deadline, but I know me, and the moment I set a deadline I will procrastinate fulfilling that goal until the last possible moment and I know that anything with health can not be a quick-fix option – so then I’d fail and I’d fall off the wagon and balloon up probably bigger than I was before I began this 5 months ago. And I just can’t let me do that to me.

So here it goes – in no particular order – noting, of course that not all goals may be ‘health’ related in the traditional sense of the word, but some deal more with mental health, which is just as essential:

1) Achieve goal weight – no greater than 135. Less is good, but I want to be around 135.

2) In achieving number 1, my initial goal should fit better. :)

3) When number 1 is achieved, call KS and go shopping.

4) Work out at the gym at least 2-3 times a week (you’re paying for it, moe, use it!)

5) Incorporate weight training

a. Strengthen arms and pecs – get rid of the Dorothy flab and lift those boobs! :)

b. Strengthen and tone legs – quads, calves and glutes

c. Get ripped but not overly so – tone all over

6) Continue self-care

a. Massages, as needed (YAY!)

b. Use the tennis and golf balls!

c. Sit properly

d. Sleep properly

e. Stretch daily

f. Work-out as often as possible (daily? See number 4))

7) To achieve number 3, begin setting money aside now.

8) Set up separate accounts in ING

a. for car

b. for clothes

c. for Xmas

d. general savings

9) Finalize and use your budget – hello!

10) And in honor of fluidpudding.com: Convince The Person I Wish I Was and The Person I Truly Am to meet somewhere in the middle.

So this is what I have so far. I’m sure these lifestyle changes will change and evolve, as life does. Nothing is ever set in stone, and when you insist that it be, that’s when problems arise.

Day 151-29, 152-30, 153-31

So here we go. How did 2005 end for moe, you (probably won’t) ask? Well, not so well. I actually did break down and had a single serving bag of popcorn Friday night. it was good but not as good as it shoulda, coulda, woulda been. Well, that’ll learn me. And Saturday I went to the King and I with A&K, Chris and Bob and some girl Elizabeth before a night of drinking at the Lounge. It was okay, but I had the sweet & sour chicken – which was breaded and fried. Whoops. I think i also gained back those 2 pounds i had lost, but this week and next are whoosh weeks so maybe it'll all go away. Plus, it's time for some more lifestyle change goals and updates...to be posted soon.