Day 235-24, 236-25, 237-26, 238-27

Uffda – weekend was okay, I didn’t eat super great but I wasn’t awful either, until last night that is, when I ate popcorn for supper. man. But I did make a Guinness Cake so that’s a good thing.

Didn’t work out all weekend, but did make it in this morning and did the elliptical for 30 minutes. Can you trust those calorie counters? If so, then I burned quite a few and went over 4 miles. It’s a nice burn at least with mild sweating. I tried to keep my heartrate (if you can trust that sensor too) in the target zone instead of going over like I usually do. Hopefully it was beneficial all around.

Day 234-23

Okay…so peer pressure and stress sucks. Ate ice cream yesterday – way more than I wanted or needed or should have even thought about, and surprisingly it tasted pretty gross (yet, I ate it all). So not good. And then I had a jelly donut today! UGH! And it also tasted gross! What am I going to do with myself… just shoot me, shoot me now.

At the gym again this morning – rough morning getting out of bed since it was a later night last night with church and choir. So I jogged for 5 minutes to warm up, but I was trying to read FEN’s new short-story so I moved to the elliptical for 20 minutes. A smoother ride and intense. I didn’t sweat as much but I got a nice burn in my legs and actually burned more calories faster (if you can believe the computer program on the machine). I’ll have to mix up my cardio I think and add that to the mix on occasion though. It was a nice change.

Day 233-22

WOOHOO! 3 days in a row. Though I almost didn't make it. I had to encourage me to get up but once I did I felt good. Went to bed last night at 8:30 though I was so tempted to go to bed when I got home from Lo-To with JB at 7:30. I forced myself to stay up another hour – did dishes, watched DH from the 12^th…then I couldn’t keep my eyes open so I crashed. I’m blaming it on the lesser amounts of sleep, the martini, and the massage.

But this morning was good. Ran my 1.5 mile without stopping – not the best time but it is going down at least. Then walked for 2 minutes and ran the rest of the time. This is an improvement even on the last two days. Then I went home and slept for 20 minutes. I love morning naps. They’re so inspiring. :)

Day 232-21

Day two in the gym at 5am…uffda. Tired today and I even went to bed at 0930. it feels good to run right away in the am though. I did get my fake mp3 player working (a special a few months ago from avon, no less) so I don’t have to worry about the cd skipping and I picked up new headphones that go over the ears so I didn’t have to mess with those. Ah, the little pleasures in life. I do find it funny that I get up at 4:45, get to the gym by 5:15, run/walk for 30-35 minutes, drive home and then I take a 15 minute nap before getting ready for work. I’m so weird.

Food is okay – I am packing my own food for lunch and such, which is a big step. The jelly donuts keep calling out to me though. Hopefully they won’t be too detrimental in the end.

Day 231-20

Starting the week out well. Got up at 4:45 this morning and dressed and went to the gym. Ran for 30 minutes – good but a little rough since I haven’t actually ran since last Sunday – just been lifting and tossing snow. Hopefully this AM running routine will help. At least I won’t feel guilty at night when I don’t go, but if I am able to go again at night, I’ll feel doubly good! Plus I was able to eat breakfast and down 32 oz of CL before I left for work…a good start to the day. Of course, I just had 6 donut holes…but with the stress of the job this morning…that seems mild. Plus Keith had said to eat more carbs in the AM hours instead of PM. But here I go...on the road to a new and hopefully improved self! woohoo!

Day 228-17, 229-18, 230-19

Uffda. Weekend was pretty pathetic. I eat like crap on the weekends. Case in point: Sunday AM I got up for church, had 2 hard boiled eggs (sans yolk) and then at 10, btwn services, I had 6 cookies. I got home and read the paper, had 2 more cookies and felt so tired that I took a 2 hour nap. I got up at 3:30 and realized I hadn’t eaten really that day, so I had my chicken salad. Then off to the movies where I had popcorn :( and a DC.

On a good note I did get my food put together for the week – I made my spinach/egg casserole and had my salad all put together for this morning. Someday I’ll figure this all out.

Day 227-16

FINALLY! I got home Thursday night, and though I should have shoveled I opted to veg a little instead. So I did a load of laundry, marinated my chicken in a tasty mix*, and had a bubble bath. AH…I should have gone to the gym, or spent a couple hours scraping off more of the snow from the sidewalks since apparently I don’t get them clean enough (ahem, Charlie).

*The chicken marinade was good (2Tbsp honey, ¼ cup low-sodium soy sauce, 1 clove garlic minced and a Tbsp of something else – I can’t remember) but I don’t have a broiler pan so I just baked it instead. That didn’t do much to the chicken so I’ll probably wait to make this again til I can grill them.

But at least I can have my salad Friday with my chicken instead of walking to Speedy for a sandwich or eating cookies and DC like yesterday. (oops)

Day 226-15

Maybe I should be thankful for the snow – at least it’s getting me out shoveling… I’m doing something by ways of exercise. But yuck…enough already! Oh wait, it’s snowing again…nevermind. So another small smiley – 45 minutes Wed. AM for shoveling out the garbage area. Of course then I get home Wed. night from choir and see that the city had plowed the streets so my approach was full again. ugh. Food sucking again today – soon and very soon I’ll be back on track with my eating plan.

Day 225-14

Shoveled Tuesday am…that was a small smiley, not a big one like Monday. Eating like crap. Haven’t had time to even cook at night. I can’t wait til this week from hell is done…then back on track.

day 224-13

Does shoveling my driveway for 3 hours count for a smiley? I think it does…a big-ass smiley. Just a little one for this morning since I was only out there an hour.

Ugh snow.

Day 222-11, 223-12

WOOHOO! Two smileys for me! I went to the gym Friday night, shocked at how many people were there at 7pm – I thought I was the only one without a life. Huh. But ran to the disc from keith…kick ass. Saturday I vegged – took the day off and made cookies instead. Plus I was a little sore from Friday – not surprising since I haven’t ran since January (uffda). Sunday AM I got up, skipping church since I was going at 7pm anyway, and ran again. Again, shocked at how many people were at the gym at 8:30 on a Sunday morn. No wonder our churches are in trouble – they’re all at the gym. Maybe there’s a ministry for someone to start: communion on the treadmill, preaching to the pavement pounders, whatever. My disc was again kicking butt but my disc player sucked. It kept stopping and then skipping. So I’ll have to get a new player I guess. Crappy. But I need to do it anyway, the ear plugs hurt my ears and kept falling out on Sunday. Need to save what little hearing I have left. But the running felt great. I’m hoping to go tonight but with all the shoveling I’ll have to do I probably won’t make it in. Tomorrow is the Guthrie and Wednesday is choir so I’m not back to the gym til Thursday if I don’t go tonight. We’ll see how I feel. I know Charlie was shoveling the front walk this morning but the driveway hasn’t been touched. I guess I should have gotten up at 5 and shoveled, but at the rate it was coming down it would have been back to that same level by 7 when I left anyway.

Days 218-7, 219-8, 220-9, 221-10

Ugh. I have been eating like crap. I chalk it up to ragweek but it just sucks. And I haven’t been in the gym in a month. (no smiley’s) :(

So I’m going to make a turn around – today, the 10^th, has already sucked for food – since I forgot breakfast in the container on the stove and ate blechy cafeteria breakfast and lunch instead. Ew…I just feel the fat growing on my body. Ew.

I know I keep saying this but I really need to take a stand for my body – I would like to lose 10 pounds by my birthday. I think this was part of my initial goal back when I started this whole SB thing 7 odd months ago, not that I ever stated it. I for sure what to be below 140 by Alaska time (April 18) so that gives me 3 weeks or so to my birthday, and over a month to Alaska. I should be able to do it, even with the cookies.

Chicken!

I miss you, K. I had my leftover chicken today at lunch and someone walked by and said, “What is that?” And I, of course, yelled out, “Chicken!”

Miss ya, girl. I need to come visit soon.

Day 215-3, 216-4, 217-5, 217-6

O! the weekend sucked. I felt like crap last weekend…maybe a touch of the flu Carol had or maybe just the sudden change in my eating plan again. I haven’t had a homemade cookie in over a week. I’m beginning to suffer from withdrawl and I’m supplementing with SF candy, jello and pudding. Not a good idea. So then to get my body back on track I ate ‘real’ food this weekend (i.e. krispy kreme donuts, BK, frozen yogurt). I think it actually helped. Yesterday I felt SO much better and was able to eat fairly normal. Last night I made up an egg/spinach bake thing – kind of like the spinach quiche cups in the SB book but not completely. I would have made my spinach/egg casserole but I forgot turkey to cut into it and it’s really bland without it. AND I made my spicy chicken again. mmmm. Good eats for the day.

The next step: getting my butt back to Bally’s.

day 213-1, 214-2

Okay so my Lenten journey of no cookies and starting Phase 1 has already been blown. So much for self control. Maybe that’s what I should have worked on. In my defense, guard weekend is coming up and it’s a paper weekend so I know it’ll be stressful (a good stressful though) so I’ll be munching a lot. Sunday I’m shopping again so Monday will be a true Phase 1, all with whoosh week and everything. One month to my goal date so I really need to get my ass in gear…literally. Monday also will bring Bally’s back into my life. I have to or I’m afraid I’ll balloon back up to that evil weight and I just can’t do that to myself again. I’m worth more than that.

oreos?

These people have sugar free chocolate sandwich cookies that seriously taste like Oreos. mmmm

day 212-28

Tuesday would have been a good day if I had been a good girl…but instead I had the jelly donut, then I went out to don pablo’s with a friend, which would have been fine but I had the chips and salsa and a rum & dc.

So today begins phase 1 all over again. it’s okay though…maybe better to start at the beginning of the month – clean slate and all that.

fat girl

I would have been fine if john hadn’t come to my desk with a jelly donut. Dammit. So I ate the jelly donut and I’m on phase 1. I’m so horrible. No wonder I’m fat. :(

Day 211-27

Monday was okay. I’m doing okay without cookies, but I think I’m just compensating with SF candy. That’s probably not a good thing. But spinach/egg casserole & HB egg for breakfast; jello for snack; salad with chicken/cheese/OG dressing and jello for lunch; cheese for snack; garlic/parm. chicken for supper.

Day 210-26

Sunday was a decent day. Eggs for breakfast, dc and cheese for snack, sb pizza for supper (had to get rid of it), but then…the attack of the SF Reese’s PB cups. AARRGGHH! Oh well…I missed supper because I was working on a project for my taxes and snacked on these in the meantime.

So Monday starts Phase 1 again. yay! The goal is to get to my goal I had back in August – I want to be there by my birthday – that gives me a little over a month to lose 10 pounds. I have a couple whoosh weeks in there so hopefully this’ll be possible.

Go moe.

Day 208-24, 209-25

The cookies are gone from my house now. I gave all the snickerdoodles to Debbie. I’ll probably make more sometime since it’s become more therapy than anything, but I’ll be certain to take them to school or guards instead of eating them all myself. Pants have been a little snug this past week or so…not a good thing. So tomorrow will officially begin Phase 1 again. Wanted to start today, but had an SB pizza left in my freezer that would have taunted me the next two weeks…so tomorrow it is. I think I’m also going to try getting up early and working out in the AM instead of at night. the night thing hasn’t been working lately…I’m not sure the morning will be much better but if I’m determined I think I can. I’ll just be the little engine that could.

So the recipe from the previous post didn’t come through so here it is (in green is what I used, in blue is the stuff I left out…I’m too picky sometimes. And I got 3 servings out of this, but I also used 20 oz of chicken instead of 1/2 pound and left off all the messy extras – which also explains why I didn’t use all the stuff):

Salsa Chicken
Serves 2

Ingredients
4 cups finely shredded iceberg lettuce
1 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into 1" pieces
1 large egg whites
1 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 ounces chunky tomato salsa
1⁄4 cup fat-free sour cream
Cilantro sprigs (optional)

Instructions
Divide the lettuce among 2 individual plates, cover and set aside. In a bowl, combine the chili powder and cumin. Add the chicken, turning to coat. Lift the chicken from the bowl, shaking off the excess coating. Dip the chicken into the egg white, then coat again with the remaining dry mixture.

Heat the oil in a wide nonstick frying pan or wok over medium heat. When the oil is hot, add the chicken and stir-fry gently until no longer pink in the center. Cut to test (5–7 minutes). Remove the chicken from the pan and keep warm. Pour the salsa into the pan; reduce the heat to medium and cook, stirring, until the salsa is heated through and slightly thickened.

Arrange the chicken over the lettuce; top with the salsa and sour cream. Garnish with cilantro sprigs, if using.

Day 207-23

I kind of came to a decision last night. Sunday I’m going to start Shrovetide and have all my cookies gone or given away and with Shrovetide I’m going to restart Phase 1 of SB. Maybe during the Lenten 40 days of fasting I can have a purpose-driven weight loss and exercise regime occurring. I still have 10 pounds of my initial goal to lose and i've been avoiding that goal for awhile. I think now is the time to take those steps again. It takes 21 days to make a habit, so maybe 40 days will help to reinstall the good habits I had started back in August.

Made this recipe last night. If the link doesn’t work, let me know and I’ll put the recipe here. I made some alterations – like leaving out the egg whites, sour cream, lettuce and cilantro (yeah, pretty much half the recipe - oh well). Pretty much just chicken and spice. But damn good.

Day 206-22

E brought up a good point about Mardi Gras, happening next Tuesday. It’s the time of gorging on food as a way of ‘preparing’ for Lent. I like the idea of Shrove Tuesday a bit better (with the self-examination, confession of sins and receiving absolution) but til that becomes more prominent we'll just have to keep with this.

I haven’t thought much about Lenten disciplines because it never seems to be something I do well. (Hell, I can’t even discipline myself now - I’m not disciplined enough in general, I guess.) But I think this year would be good for me to really think about – no more cookies, exercise more, daily meditation.

It seems almost like a New Year’s Resolution which I guess in a way it would be. Lent, though in the middle of the year, is really a preparation for Christ’s death and resurrection. We know how it will end (I think about the disciples who had no clue and how much more traumatic that must have been), we know the outcome – we know the greatness of the Easter moment…but to really feel that greatness I think we need to see Lent is a very important time – a time to focus on what’s coming and our service to the Lord.

Not sure this is done by giving up on cookies and exercising more but maybe that’ll help.

Day 200-16, 201-17, 202-18, 203-19, 204-20, 205-21

I think I’ve been avoiding this blog. Cookies and Diet Coke with Splenda. I did make my spinach/egg casserole thing from the Low-Carb Bible cookbook E&K gave me for Christmas. I had portioned it out last night and left one of the portions on the stove this morning. Aren’t I smart.

Really, other than cookies, my eating isn’t bad. I drink a lot of CL throughout the day, usually 1 to 1 ½ DC’s a day during the week (on the weekend reverse this), I eat my eggs for breakfast, salad with chicken or turkey loaf for lunch, a light supper…snacking on jello and cheese. It’s just the cookies. I feel like I’m turning into this.

Next I need to get back to Bally's. I had a dream last night that I was doing pushups (25 girl pushups for a warm-up, then I moved to regular push-ups and did them the appropriate way and did 50. Somehow the normal ones didn't hurt like the girl pushups did. weird. I think this dream stemmed from reading about Jack Palance at the Oscar's). I think this is a hint.

Day 199-15

Not bad Wednesday…had a good breakfast, then SB wrap for lunch…but then Wendy’s spicy chicken for supper – felt like crap this morning because of it. blech. Maybe I just need more cookies.

Day 198-14

Funny. I weighed in this morning…still at 143. Yet I eat cookies by the pound. This is going to catch up to me soon, I fear, and it won’t be pretty. Maybe my drinking all that CL yesterday helped. Let’s hope so…

I’ve been forgetting to eat supper lately…eating cookies instead. This is the second night in a row I haven’t eaten a real meal at night. Probably not a good thing…could be because I need to get groceries or I’m just so tired and unmotivated to do much of any cooking. Who knows?

Went to Keith yesterday…that was good. A much needed hour on the table – of course it took me 30 minutes to relax and enjoy it but when I finally did, I really zoned out – so much so it took me awhile to actually get up. Oh well.

I have to find a good recipe for this weekend. J is having back surgery today and asked me to come over this weekend sometime with dinner and a movie to keep him company. Should be doable…just need to figure out what to make. I’m thinking maybe my ginger chicken from the SB book. That’s easy and yummy. But we’ll see.

Day 197-13

Ooooo….SO not good. I’m feeling my rolls returning. TOO many cookies and SO many excuses to avoid the gym. I have to quit that. (The excuses, not the gym)

Day 193-9, 194-10, 195-11, 196-12

Let’s see…Thursday I made cookies, Friday I ate cookies, Saturday I made more cookies (for a project actually) but I also ate cookies, Sunday I finished the cookies (the project, not eating them all) and didn’t make anymore. But I did make chocolate covered Strawberries.

I hate stress. Stress eating is the worst. My diet is consisting of diet coke and cookies. MUST get to the gym tonight. ugh.

Day 190-6, 191-7, 192-8

Okay let’s just be honest. My diet sucks. I started … crap I just realized I used ‘diet’. Dammit. No wonder I’m messed up. Let’s try this again.

Okay let’s just be honest. My meal plans suck. I started brining my lunch again on Monday, not that I had stopped, but it was salad with chicken and my eggs and stuff…good eats, but the I don’t eat supper or I eat cookies, and more cookies. Last night I ate SB stuff all day, not that that’s bad but it’s not good. Then I went to the Chatterbox and had garlic squash dip (which was really yummy, by the way). And today I actually ate the Buffet Ole food they had in the café. Money will really change your mindset for things (free meal since I blew up balloons). But all I want is to eat cookies. But I’m out of cookies. Which is probably a good thing. Ugh. I haven’t been to the gym in almost 3 weeks now. No wonder I feel like crap. Guh.

Day 189-5

UFF DA! I have no self control and I’m chalking it up to PMS though it’s probably something worse. Mom sent her leftover retirement cake with me to guards and I had 3, yes THREE, pieces before we left for home. Practically pure sugar. Ugh! Then I get home and I made cookies! (I only ate 2 of those and they were low-fat sugar cookies, but I fear I’ll be frosting them tonight) What is wrong with me?

Days 186-2, 187-3, 188-4

Kind of a rough start to the month. Cookies are evil. I hate fit testing. And bread is just not good anymore. Well…lemme ‘splain…no there is too much…lemme sum up.

So all my cookies are gone now…and I ate most of them. I tried a new recipe Wed. night that were supposed to be jelly filled but I couldn’t get the sides to work right (which means I’ll have to try them again sometime so I can get it to work right). So I just frosted those and went with it.

Fit testing sucks…I can’t get my recovery rate to be low enough. Last year I had a recovery rate of 108 for a fitness age of 33. This time I was at 114 which, apparently, ages me 17 years – which really makes no sense. So I passes but I failed…what’s that in the LS world? An “M”. ugh. It doesn’t keep me away from Alaska but I do get to test again in August…well maybe April. I think if I can get my run time low enough then I’ll be okay…they don’t test your heart rate after the run – that’s all a timing issue. So there’s another goal to add to the ever growing list. Ugh.

And bread…I had a hamburger last night…oh wait, no. I had a butterburger last night. I’m not really impressed with their burgers but oh well…I won’t be eating another anytime soon so it doesn’t matter all that much…other than I feel like crap this morning.

Today is the super bowl. Good thing I’m basically on the road or in church the whole time. Not that I really care about it anyway. But I’m being like E and whatever parts of it I do watch, I’ll be watching alone. By choice. Without cookies. :)

Day 185-1

So Feb 1 marked 6 months exactly since I started SB. Interesting to see the changes from then til now. Back then I felt horribly fat and needed to make some changes. Today I just feel fat and still need to make changes.

Sad, I know…I’m so great at self-deprecation. But it’s really about perspectives. 6 months ago I knew I had to do something or I was going to really lose control of myself and I couldn’t let that happen. Now I look at me and realize that though a lot of the weight is gone, it’s been gone for awhile and I’m getting used to the ‘new’ me which is starting to look fat again.

Could be that I haven’t been running as much as I was so I’m not feeling how I should.
Could be that I’ve been eating/making too many cookies to really see anything good in me.
Could be that time of the month. God help the woman with PMS.

I have a few weeks til I hopefully go to Texas. A few measly weeks to get my ass in gear and get back on track.
It’s been 6 months…maybe it’s time for a re-ignition. I need a new goal and focus.

But what will that be?

Day 183-30, 184-31

Sort of back on schedule for eating, the cookies are a little detrimental but otherwise I’m doing okay. But I made a spinach, egg thing for breakfast – not bad – I’ve been bringing that to work each day this week, then my standard salad with chicken and cheese for lunch. Supper is a little rough. Monday was an SB bar; Tuesday was wingy and veggies at OC then an SB bar to cut down on the alcohol I ingested. :) hopefully Wed will be better.

Day 181-28, 182-29

Not the best weekend but I’ve had worse. Saturday was pretty standard. Talked with K&E which was great…I think I’m with them on this – it’s going to really come down to the gym anymore. The eating thing just isn’t cutting it like it did in August.

Sunday I went to the May Day with A2. Pretty cool place. I’ll have to visit there again. Then I basically didn’t eat until 8:30 – I snacked on cookies (stone crock cookies and snickerdoodles – two new recipes I tried yesterday) but not that many. But then at 8:30 I was just craving tuna – seriously…craving tuna. I have no idea why, probably lack of protein but weird craving to have. So I had tuna and it was good. Strange…

Day 178-25, 179-26, 180-27

Garlic parmesan chicken Wed. night. mmm mmm good, though it smells like ‘farm’ when I make it, so I have all the fans in my house running whenever it’s baking to deter the smells elsewhere. Not bad for food Wednesday, but still not very good either. I’m thinking Monday will have to be a restart week again – not my typical cleansing restart (though that probably wouldn’t hurt either) but a true moving back to Phase 1. Like my friends, I’ve been struggling – though I haven’t had to deal with cheese, beer and pasta church functions…I just have to deal with my pathetic self and lack of self-control.

Oh and I’ve gained back a few pounds, which sucks, but then I look at my list of decreasing weight since last July and I think, damn, at least I’m not 20 pounds heavier like I was back then. But then I pass the mirror which reminds me that I still am fat, even if I am thinner than I was. And then Mark will walk up to me and say, “Hey Skinny” which boosts my ego, but then the mirror finds me again. maybe I just need to get rid of the mirrors.

I haven’t been to the gym since uhg, what Saturday? Crap. I’m so screwed next week. tomorrow I must go.

Day 177-24

National Peanut Butter Day. And I think all I had to celebrate was Reese’s SF PB Cups.

Seriously, I AM my own worst enemy. I did finally return to eggs for breakfast, but only because I had 4 HB’d ones that I didn’t use for the spinach/egg thing I was going to make from my new cookbook (I didn’t have the ham needed…so alas, this will be for Saturday instead). And I did have my salad for lunch, but then it all got shot to hell. Deb and I went to the Yarn Café after work and didn’t eat supper, so getting home at 8:45pm I was famished…but instead of eating something healthy, I had 6 cookies. Horrible.

I think I need to return this blog to a food journal and write down what I eat each day. Maybe that’ll help me keep on track better. So the 2 of you who actually read this, be forewarned…coming soon to the blog near you…daily reports of what Moe is actually eating. O! joy, O! rapture!

I am actually really stoked about this...now I just need to find them at the store!

Day 176-23

I’m my own worst enemy. If only I could beat myself up then I’d be okay. Well, I guess I could, but that may lead to some serious psychological disorders (I mean, worse than I already have). I missed national pie day. I can’t believe I did that. Probably better for the ever-expanding waistline but MAN! I had a logical excuse to bake an apple pie again, and I missed it! Well, I may have to have a delayed celebration and combine it with the Chinese New Year coming up on Sunday. Yeah, that’ll work.

Didn’t work out last night. Headed toward the gym but it was snowing pretty hard and I feared I’d have to get up and shovel so I opted to wait it out. Big mistake since in the end there wasn’t enough snow to make it even worthwhile. I’m so stupid.

Day 173-20, 174-21, 175-22

Wow 175 days and the last few have sucked. I am my own worst enemy. (what’s the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?) Friday went to the Chatterbox with IL. That was fun and good eats but SO not on SB. Oh well. Saturday and Sunday went okay. Made CC cookies Sunday night and that was basically supper. Someday maybe I’ll figure things out.

Saturday I did hit the gym (smiley for me!) and it was awesome. I took the latest pron with me and read while I ran: excellent diversion which helped me to run faster and longer. I felt great when I was finished, and subsequently was sore on Sunday (not surprising since I hadn’t run since Monday). I need to keep this up since I have to do the fit test on the 4^th (though I think this will be the damn step test – joy).

Day 172-19

Uffda. I haven’t been to the gym since Monday. This is so not good. And last night was HO’s last surprise retirement party at the Liffey with great appetizers and lots to drink. What a great night but oh so detrimental for the diet! And tonight is supper with IL, so no gym tonight either. Tomorrow is going to hurt.

I will say it’s funny – I was talking to JR last night and she was commenting on how she has seen me lose weight over the past few months and was feeling jealous (maybe?). So last night I looked in the mirror again and I just don’t see it. I think I’ve talked about this before but I wonder if I’ll ever see myself as thinner or will I always be fat in my eyes. I think SK has it right here (fourth paragraph especially). Maybe someday my brain will catch up with my body, but right now it’s so not happening. SO I just smile and nod when people tell me I look thinner, and I chuckle as I pull my size 10 pants around and fold the waistband over knowing I could go smaller but also feeling fearful of going and actually buying new pants for fear that I will balloon up again and the smaller size will just hang in my closet like the skirts I bought years ago (which I can fit into now but have no reason to ever wear them).

day 171-18

Iffy day. I’m really into phase 2 I think – well I must be since I had a meal replacement bar for breakfast yesterday AND today. oh well. Phase 2 is okay. OH, and no smiley again – I’m such a loser. I ended up catching Sarah up on the weekend which led to a very long discussion and me missing supper (well, jello and sun chips).

day 170-17

Last night I felt like crap. I don’t know why…I’ve gone through my list of eats for the day and nothing was out of the ordinary (except maybe week old chicken, but it didn’t smell bad). So I don’t know. I woke up this morning feeling crappy too, though that’s getting better. No smiley yesterday – had the Guthrie instead. Leaving work early today to work out before choir. Excellent – I’ll be all red faced and tired when I get to see Ethan. Oh well…the struggles I go through to get skinny.

day 169-16

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Saturday I slept in til 11, but with good reason since I was up til 2. But Monday…WHY did I need to sleep til 11? I went to bed at 10:30! This is why days off are bad. They throw me out of sync with the rest of my life.
But the day wasn’t a total waste. I worked out in the afternoon which was good since due to appointments I won’t make it back til Friday (maybe Thursday). Uffda. Food okay, but not the greatest. Oh well…Tuesday is back to ‘normal’ so it should be better.

Day 166-13, 167-14, 168-15

I’m not sure what I’m doing. I think I’m on phase 1.5 but not quite phase 2, yet phase 2 is a lot like 1.5 except that I don’t have carbs everyday. It’s odd, but okay. Friday I went running in the afternoon (I love comp time) then had a SB pizza for supper. I was feeling really tired and I thought it might be because I have had much for carbs besides lettuce lately so I thought a few might not hurt. Of course that leads to another pizza Saturday and another today. Oh well. Tomorrow I’ll be back to just meat and salad which is good.

The only bad thing is that my back has been hurting lately. I’m not sure if it’s because Saturday I slept til 11 (not having gone to bed til 2 so really 9 hours like normal) and then sat in a chair all day watching movies, knitting and reading. It was just weird. I woke up Sunday with my back in pain. It sucks because I don’t get to see Keith this week. I’m feeling okay now but hopefully this won’t become a trend.

So I have just the rest of this evening to go. I brought a meal replacement bar so I don't have to eat at the cafe and celery and SB cookies to snack on. Tomorrow back to the grind.

Day 165-12

Note to self: Running less than 45 minutes after eating at Champps is NOT a good idea.

So I get a smiley but just a little one since I didn’t run long or hard enough last night. Oh, the chicken was good but it just sat in my stomach like a rock while I ran. Ugh. So I broke a sweat (probably fever induced from the ill feeling of the chicken in my gut) and then left the gym. Tonight I must go to make up for it. Food was okay yesterday – finished off the leftover chocolate toffee from Kellie – but otherwise I ate well. I’m drinking a lot of CL. Not sure if that’s a sign of becoming diabetic (I fear this since it runs in the family) or if it’s just that I’m trying to keep hydrated. It has helped my skin – it’s not near as dry as it was when I was drinking DC every day all day. So there we go.

Day 164-11

Well, *sigh* no smiley for me (not that I had time to get to the gym being at work til 5:30 then 3 hours of choir) but in reality I should get a big FAT frownie for Wed. I had completely forgotten that I had scheduled Kellie to come for a tasting for event stuff. Kellie and I had met in December at a Jaztro gig and found we work in similar areas – plus I’m SO jealous of her kitchen (I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m hoping someday to – her description makes my mouth water. Yes, I’m pathetic). So at 2pm I’m chomping on candy, so not sugar free though I did avoid the chex mix which was good. OH she makes good candy. Then I had fruit slices, oranges and apples, left over from the non-existent faculty meeting to counter the garlic chicken I had for supper. It helped my breath, but so not on phase 1.

So in an attempt to truly kill myself this morning I weighed in, just for kicks. And I’ve lost 2 pounds. (143, omigod I haven’t been this since college) HOW does this work? I don’t get it. Is it just ‘cause it is whoosh week? Is it because I’ve been drinking over 90 oz of CL and ONE diet coke a day versus the opposite as I had been? Maybe this phase 1 thing is for the birds. Well, it’s not, I know. But I remember writing in to the SB guy when I signed up for the website and when I had told him I was on phase 1.5 he said to go all the way to phase 2 which, he had said, is designed for the most weight loss. So I’m hoping that I’ll reset enough this week to get back on track and move into phase 1.5 next week and by the 23^rd be fully into phase 2. I don’t think 2 weeks on phase 1 is going to help me.

It’s probably a good thing I kept with the continuation of counting days. I have made a lot of changes over the past months and maybe those are what I should focus on:

• I don’t eat white trash pizza anymore. In fact the thought of it makes me feel nauseated.
  
• I don’t drink Mello Yello like water.
  
• I actually drink WATER (under the guise of CL, of course)
  
• I switched to Diet Coke with Splenda.
  
• I bring my lunch instead of eating out every day (this is good for the pocketbook too!).
  
• I love SF candy. "normal" stuff is just so sweet
  
• I buy lite cool whip instead of ice cream.
  
• I enjoy running and joined a gym.
  
• I rarely eat breads or pastas unless they are whole-wheat

I don’t know. It’s very weird. But I’m going to keep with it. Something is working even with my slip-ups. It’s crazy but I’m glad. Tonight is night out with the cool Y&F folks and then to the gym. I even brought my clothes along. Very strange, I am.

Day 163-10

SMILEY for me! Finally pulled my head out of my ass and went to Bally’s last night. It was good. Busy with all the new-yearer’s but a treadmill was open so I was happy. I love running next to big men, I fell little then. Plus sometimes I can match their pace, which helps my breathing. It’s weird, but when someone is pounding the conveyor belt next to me but is faster or slower than I am, and they’re pounding really hard, it’s difficult for me to concentrate. I don’t wear headphones, for many reasons, so the uneven rhythm is hard to follow. It’s nicer when the gym is practically empty, which it will be soon I hope, so I can space myself out a bit more.

So is it a perverted form of voyeurism to like watching your own legs run? It’s just amazing to see the power your body can do. Of course after running the mile and half, required by the AF and by then I was tired (SO out of shape), I walked on an incline for 3 minutes. Only three minutes because watching my legs jiggle and look super fat when walking is a great motivator to run more. So then I ran another 9 minutes before cooling-down. Not bad. I ended up 2.69 miles with over 300 calories burned. That’s a nice start PLUS, like I said, I get a smiley!

I can’t wait until people stop coming. Of course Bally’s is a little different since people have to pay to use the place. It was interesting to see the folks there last night especially since I’m not usually there on Tuesdays (that’s gonna change). But, all these couples were coming in to work out together (aw! make me puke) or the trio of girls who have decided to set goals together who stood giggling with each other and staring at the cardio equipment and wondering what to do when there was only 1 treadmill open and 2 elliptical’s (Oh heavens!). At least I don’t have any kids running around.

But I’m very excited right now. Things are going very well with eating and now working out. Of course it’s only been 2 days, but it’s a great start. Yay me!

Day 162-9

So I’m going to just continue the journey and keep marking as I have been. (thanks for your help JB!) I figure even though I splurged on cookies a lot during the last month (and boy do I mean a lot!) I still kept losing and I didn’t really stray from the plan overall. It’s a lifestyle change. I still avoided most bread, I tried to cook low-fat and low-sugar, and having reset myself this weekend I don’t know that I will stay on Phase 1 all that long. Really I’m giving up the SB food supplements via Kraft for the week and returning to the faboo SF candy and string cheese. It’s great and I don’t want to lose that momentum.

Yesterday was great. Eggs for breakfast, cheese for snack, salad for lunch (with OG dressing which only has 2g of sugar – yay!) with jello for dessert, cheese for pm snack, and chili parmesan chicken for supper (which I altered and also made a garlic one – recipe below) with a little cool whip for dessert. I did have a Clementine around noon but such a small orange I don’t think will affect me much – plus I need the Vitamin C after being around sick people all weekend. I can’t get sick!

So, last night I baked up a bunch of chicken with this recipe:

¼ cup low-fat parmesan grated cheese (the green container, you know), divided in half
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp garlic powder

Mix chili powder in one portion of cheese; Mix garlic powder in other half.
Coat chicken with choice of mixture.
Bake at 400 for 20 to 25 minutes or until cooked through.

I got this recipe off the Kraft SB website. It’s actually just the chili parmesan chicken recipe but I like garlic better. This is so good. It ends up being like breaded chicken but SO much better for you. It’s great hot or cut up cold for a salad (today’s lunch plan). YUM!

I didn’t go to the gym (no smiley) though I did do some crunches and push-ups to start preparing for February’s fit testing for guards. I feel bad I didn’t run, but I got so much prepared for the week – chicken cooked and cubed, jell-o made, grocery list made, a load of laundry done, dishes done, CL made for the day…it’s great. I usually do this all on Sunday nights, but that night I was exhausted from the weekend so it moved to Monday. But I feel prepared now. I’m really ready to get back into the swing of things. I can’t wait to run tonight. I’m actually looking forward to it. YAY!

Starting over-

Today I restart on Phase 1 again. As I’ve been keeping a tally of days I almost want to start with Day 1 again, but I’m not sure. I really didn’t go off the plan completely so I don’t want to restart my count (I mean, 161 days is nothing to sneeze at) but then I think if I start over it’ll be like a clean slate. Of course if I do start with counting today as day 1 again then it’ll seem more like a resolution than a continuation of a change I made back in August. I don’t know. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I suppose I could count it as “Day 1/162-9” for today or would that get too confusing? That might help me track how many times I start over in the end. Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’ll sleep on it.

Day 159-6, 160-7, 161-8

This weekend was my reset weekend. The holidays are over so now it’s back to business, so to speak. Friday was my last day eating whatever. I had a BK burger for lunch and mom and I went out for Chinese for supper. I ate too much and felt like crap which is probably a good reminder why I shouldn’t eat that stuff. Saturday was liquid day. It’s supposed to be just water and juice but I added in tomato soup for supper. I needed something with a bit of sustenance. Of course then Sunday I could add in fruit and the apple I ate stuck in my stomach and made me feel like crap all day. Thank goodness this is over. It’s not normally this bad, but I had the wrong fruit. I think the reset works better with watermelon and grapes than apples. A note to remember if I have to do this again.

Day 156-3, 157-4, 158-5

These last three days have been great and bad all at once. I’ve worked to get back on track of making and bringing my lunch and breakfast – cheaper and better for me – (this is the good part) and K&E were in town last night so woohoo! (still good) we had WINGY!!!! mmmmm wingy. (good, but bad)

The other bad part is that I haven’t gotten back to the gym yet. Monday…Monday I must. I must, I must, I must increase my…workouts. (Are you there gym, it’s me…moe).

After tonight (the 6^th), I’m doing 3 days of reset before moving back to phase 1. I’ve really gotten off these past few months so I know if I don’t reset I’ll slip back to the cookies and pizza and stuff which isn’t going to help. Back to the basics, reset myself and back to the beach.

K&E got me a new “bible” for Xmas – The Low-Carb Bible. It’s SO awesome! It has all sorts of info and recipes that can be incorporated into the beach plan. It’s fabulous! I can’t wait to use it.

Day 154-1, 155-2

Well, the new year has begun. I tried a SB recipe one of these two days – it was actually an appetizer recipe (scroll down to Kraft products and recipes, click on learn more, snacks, mini spinich cups) and turned out not too bad. The turkey part was really salty for my taste, but overall I was pleased (esp. being a non-cream cheese person). They reheat well, too. I packed my lunch for today, which of course I decided to do this morning instead of last night so I was a little late for work (great way to start the year), but at least I’m taking the steps. I’m going to try to grill steak tonight on my George Foreman grill. I haven’t done that but I’ve been craving steak lately so hopefully it’ll work.

Next step: getting back to the gym. In light of jb’s and jf’s hatred of the resolutionary’s moving into the gym the first few weeks of January and causing a ruckus, I probably will go later in the evening and run for my 30 or so, and move in more next week with the weights and such after the first week rush is over. Besides, I haven’t had a smiley in my planner in a while and I need those smiley’s!

Oh and one more to add to the lifestyle changes below, but this is more of a goal with a deadline, and i hate deadlines: I have to run 1.5 miles in under 15 by March 1. here we go, girl.

Lifestyle changes – an update and refresher moment

Each January 1 seems to bring out the resolutions – things people will stop doing or start doing because, damn, their life needs to be fixed. The problem with these resolutions, per se, is that they come in the dead of winter after 2 months of overindulgence of food and drink and bad habits. And in this quick-fix world, when habits from old come into play while you’re trying to instill habits of new, the old habits seem to win out because the habits of new just don’t catch on quick enough. Someone once said it takes you 21 days to create or break a habit. I even mentioned that here at one point. So now I’m back to August, but with a few different moments and more specifics. Keith had wanted me to set a deadline, but I know me, and the moment I set a deadline I will procrastinate fulfilling that goal until the last possible moment and I know that anything with health can not be a quick-fix option – so then I’d fail and I’d fall off the wagon and balloon up probably bigger than I was before I began this 5 months ago. And I just can’t let me do that to me.

So here it goes – in no particular order – noting, of course that not all goals may be ‘health’ related in the traditional sense of the word, but some deal more with mental health, which is just as essential:

1) Achieve goal weight – no greater than 135. Less is good, but I want to be around 135.

2) In achieving number 1, my initial goal should fit better. :)

3) When number 1 is achieved, call KS and go shopping.

4) Work out at the gym at least 2-3 times a week (you’re paying for it, moe, use it!)

5) Incorporate weight training

a. Strengthen arms and pecs – get rid of the Dorothy flab and lift those boobs! :)

b. Strengthen and tone legs – quads, calves and glutes

c. Get ripped but not overly so – tone all over

6) Continue self-care

a. Massages, as needed (YAY!)

b. Use the tennis and golf balls!

c. Sit properly

d. Sleep properly

e. Stretch daily

f. Work-out as often as possible (daily? See number 4))

7) To achieve number 3, begin setting money aside now.

8) Set up separate accounts in ING

a. for car

b. for clothes

c. for Xmas

d. general savings

9) Finalize and use your budget – hello!

10) And in honor of fluidpudding.com: Convince The Person I Wish I Was and The Person I Truly Am to meet somewhere in the middle.

So this is what I have so far. I’m sure these lifestyle changes will change and evolve, as life does. Nothing is ever set in stone, and when you insist that it be, that’s when problems arise.

Day 151-29, 152-30, 153-31

So here we go. How did 2005 end for moe, you (probably won’t) ask? Well, not so well. I actually did break down and had a single serving bag of popcorn Friday night. it was good but not as good as it shoulda, coulda, woulda been. Well, that’ll learn me. And Saturday I went to the King and I with A&K, Chris and Bob and some girl Elizabeth before a night of drinking at the Lounge. It was okay, but I had the sweet & sour chicken – which was breaded and fried. Whoops. I think i also gained back those 2 pounds i had lost, but this week and next are whoosh weeks so maybe it'll all go away. Plus, it's time for some more lifestyle change goals and updates...to be posted soon.

just say no...

I’m eating a donut. And it’s good.

But I’m sure I’ll be sick later.

Damn peer pressure.

Days 145-23 through 150-28

I’d list them all but not worth it at this point. This weekend was a bomb but so much fun. Christmas brings goodies galore. We went with a low-key, low-stress Christmas dinner: Pizza from Papa Murphy’s and the traditional relish dish (inside joke). But then we ALL brought treats – I had made cookies, Joey had made treats, Lisa had made treats…it was insane! I haven’t weighed in this week because I fear that I’ve gained back the 5 pounds I’ve lost in the last month. I’m counting the days til convo is done so I can restart myself. That is the good thing about the SB thing – I can always go back to the beginning. I feel like Inigo Montoya. “…when a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning, and I'm staying till Vizzini comes.” Now I just need Vizzini to come and fix it all.

Perception is an interesting thing. I’m lighter now than I have been since college – COLLEGE! – and yet lately as I look at myself I still see me as fat. I probably always will. It’d be nice to just once be happy with myself for longer than a week. Maybe this’ll be the year to do that.

I’m still working on my next set of lifestyle changes. It’s been 5 months so it’s time to readjust things again. I’ll list them here once I figure them out. Accountability is key.

day 144-22

Last night was almost a disaster...I ALMOST had popcorn. But I didn’t. I kept hearing E’s words ringing in my ear, “no popcorn. Eat cheese.” But I wasn’t in the mood for cheese either so I had scrambled egg whites (with one yolk) and Special K protein plus for supper instead. Interestingly enough, I discovered the Special K Protein Plus has Less carbs and sugar and more protein than the South Beach cereal. Hello?! And it tastes pretty good!

Anyway, today (the 23^rd) is my last day here in the cities til Tuesday so after today my diet will be shot to hell. Pizza is our Christmas dinner of choice – plus crackers and cheese to snack on (along with the cookies and krumkake I’ll be making today). but next week I’m back in the gym – at least running and then after convo I’ll be getting back on a more regular schedule. I must!

day 143-21

I am such a lazy ass. I EASILY could have gone to the gym last night, but did i? nooooo. No I decide to sit at home and watch stupid TV, knit and take a bath instead. Pathetic, I am.

Tonight I’m making more cookies to take home. We decided to do pizza for Christmas and then snack on spichamere and cheese and crackers. But it just isn’t Christmas without krumkake and pb cookies. So alas, that is my goal today. Maybe the gym. I really need to get there or keith is going to kill me.

day 142-20

Yesterday was great – SB bar in the AM for breakfast, a few cookies, Subway for lunch, human contact meeting, then Good Earth for supper with Debbie. MMMM. My HCM was incredible, not that I remember much of it, but I do know that Keith and I talked about goals and future stuff. I wish I could think faster on my feet…that may be something to work on. I told him I was 10 pounds from my goal. He said, great, when is the deadline for your goal. Wow…I have no real deadline. I knew when I started in August that I wanted to lose 30 pounds, but having a deadline for that? Yeah, I don’t think I set one…nope… I didn’t. I just had the pseudo goal.

And I think part of why I didn’t set a specific deadline is because I didn’t want to put a final date on this and then if I don’t make it I’ll feel awful and like a failure and since I can do that pretty well on my own without deadlines I didn’t want to do that with this. Besides – it’s a Lifestyle Change – not a diet.

But I also know that I need to have some sort of goal/deadline on the exercise side. Initially I had said the 10K in February, but everyone knows I won’t make that. Probably a bad goal to set anyway since it’s really out of reach - not only physically but financially (though springing money to see Schlenker would be worth it - *sigh* Schlenker). But what kind of goal to have? Work out until I’m ripped? Uh, no. I’m not jay. Work out until I can run a mile at 6.5 without stopping? Maybe… But probably since I do have to run 1.5 miles in March or do the freakin’ step test again, I probably should go somewhere along those lines. 50 pushups by Feb 28. 100 crunches by Feb. 28. 1.5 miles in no more than 15 minutes by Feb 28. Step test, heart rate at 100 by Feb 28. I don’t know – are these smart goals?

i also was thinking today about perception again. The key to life is perception - I've lost 20 pounds. Initially I felt skinny, but now I'm starting to feel fat again - and it's not because of the cookies - but i'm perceiving myself as big. I'll always think I'm fat, even if I'm a twig. It's the nature of the beast, I think. too many years being the fat girl. When ever will I see myself as a smaller woman? I look at larger women I work with or I see on the street and I see myself in them. I think people see me that way too. It's not healthy. Someday this will pass. Maybe it's just the season. :)

Day 141-19

It’s hard to believe I’ve been going at this for 141 days. Wow…that seems forever (yet not). I was reflecting this morning on my self-care routine which began back in mid-July. Self-care is so important and i’m glad I stepped up and took it upon myself to do something to better me – for a better me. I just had a thought that LS really should have a class on that, but taking a class from an instructor on self-care seems like an oxymoron almost.

But I’ve been doing so many things to help me in so many ways: SB, natch; joining Ballys; going to Keith. Those are just the physical things. I also purchased season tickets to the Guthrie – to help my theatre and social life (of course I go alone, but still). I’m working on the relationships I have and am being a bit more cautious about whom I let into my life – life is too short to be stressing about friendships and being taken advantage of or feeling inadequate within them. There are still friends I don’t see near enough but they are always in my heart and mind, but right now just isn’t a good time to be ‘with’ them – for whatever reason.

Now also seems a good time to start thinking about the next year. This past year was my year of turning 30 and that sort of triggered all these changes in me. Now I’ll be 31 and I need to continue to do these changes and implement some more.

My friend Tre has a list of things she wants to do before she dies. Being an avid list-maker, as she is, I haven’t done this – which is shocking in the least. But here’s that fear – I fear that if I made the list and I wasn’t able to complete them that I would feel VERY inadequate and more of a failure than I usually do. So I haven’t made that list. I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I should suck it up and do it. (See Noogie’s post on fear) Or do it on a smaller scale – things I want to do before I turn 32. Then it’s not the clichéd resolution list for new year’s but a list of goals and lifestyle changes to improve my life (like kissing a guy under the mistletoe at Xmas - you know something really vital :) ). I’ll have to think about this and maybe post them here so I can be held accountable. There something daunting about putting it out on the internet for my friends to read, b/c again if I don’t achieve the goals, then it’s not just in my head, but everyone will know. But maybe that’s the challenge. I guess we’ll see.

Day 138-16, 138-17, 140-18

So I weighed in on Saturday or Sunday this weekend – I can’t remember which – and I’m at 145. YAY! 10 pounds to go. Though really I’m not uncomfortable at this point. I’m thinking of doing this if I can find the cash sometime. But my cash should probably go for new clothes first since these are so baggy. Though if i do do this, then i could maybe buy even smaller clothes! Oh and my hair is getting long. Well longish, considering I used to have a haircut quite close to a high and tight on a guy.

Not overly thinking about what I’m eating but I’m not eating horribly either – though 5 pb cookies with dark choc. kisses for supper Saturday wasn’t the best option. But you can’t beat warm, fresh cookies. Had salmon Sunday night at A&K’s. that was downright yummy. I had one piece of bread (NY Rye from the Finnish Bistro, as it is now named) and wanted another but held off. Yay me.

Day 137-15

I broke down and bought sb pizza when I was picking up more baking supplies. It’ll be very good when January comes. I’ll be back on phase 1 after convo/guards. I figure the next two weeks are pretty much a loss and the week of convo I’ll be out with friends drinking and eating wingy! so I might as well just suck it up and wait til after that to reset myself. Things haven’t been bad – weighing today (as it’s the middle of the month) and I’m maintaining between 146 and 148, which is so much better than I thought I’d be at after what I have been eating lately. So something I’m doing is right. That helps my attitude at least.

Emotionally I’m so much better today than I have been. Maybe it’s the lack of students, maybe it’s the greater amount of sleep (well the accurate amount at least) or maybe it’s finally letting go of some of the stress. Things are getting checked off – shopping is done which is good, students are basically gone which is better, HO’s party is done, and I’m taking some afternoons off over the next couple weeks which helps not only my vacation time but mentality.

day 136-14

Not a bad day. Not the best either. I didn’t bring any cookies with me and at about 9am I had the sugar withdrawl. I felt like Elaine Benes in the episode with all the birthday parties and get-well parties and 4pm sugar fix. I broke down and bought cookies from the café but EW! Not to be biased but I love my cookies…so much better. Oh well. Eventually I’ll be able to break myself of this, but since I know that won’t happen until after Christmas I’m just going to try to keep it to a minimum and not eat an entire batch at a time. Man…even that seems like a lofty goal at this point.

Feeling a bit better today, emotionally at least. Maybe it’s that students are almost gone. Maybe it’s finding out that kent had a stroke (update – found out today 12/15 that he passed away overnight) or that mike’s mom died that has changed my mood. Death shouldn’t be a happy thing, and it’s not, but it definitely can be a wake up call. Hello! Life is way too short to be worrying about this nonsense I have been. Nothing in my life is life threatening (except the other crazy MN drivers) and in reality things are going really well. As Keith said once, it’s all a matter a perspective.

day 135-13

Well, that was stupid – like I would have ANY energy to work out after an hour with Keith doing deep tissue. Hello! In fact, I was so out of it after we got done that Keith gave me a diet coke to wake up. Didn’t help much. Good thing the snow hadn’t started yet so I could make it home fairly safely.

I made turkey meatloaf last night (should that be turkloaf?). not bad, not good either. But at least it’s something different. Also started krumkake for the advent tea, but at 9:30 I was completely zonked so I went to bed. I’m glad I can sleep like a rock once I turn off my brain, but the turning off the brain is the hard thing. I was awoken at 1am from some ahole calling – which actually was a bit disturbing since he new my name and then asked if I was married with children – when I asked his name after this question (w/o answering it) he said it was “matchbox”. What the hell? So I hung up on him, which in hindsight I should have done from the beginning. But then it took a long time to shut down my brain again to fall asleep, and making it worse was realizing that I would have to be up in 4 hours to shovel. Ugh!

I need a nap.

day 134-12

K had a very valid point with yesterday’s post(s). I do need to do this to keep accountable, but maybe I need to do it slightly differently. Instead of just listing what I’ve eaten or not, I need to be looking at the why. Why haven’t I been eating protein? Why have I let myself slip in the mini 3 musketeer bars on occasion again, knowing they have full sugar in them? Why have I been just eating cookies and cereal? (as I did yet again today, yet I did have eggs for breakfast)

Part of it may be because I’m feeling quite stressed with money and I don’t feel I can afford the food I usually eat – lots of chicken, subway, sb meals. Healthy food seems to add up in the pocketbook faster than ‘bad’ food. But that’s not all of it because I have chicken and steak in the freezer.

Part of it could be I’m just feeling more down than I usually do this time of the year – stemming from this transition I’m still feeling with my friends all far away and I’m in this limbo stage – way more than last year. (more on this at the other blog) And when I start to feel this way, I get into comfort food mode. Apparently cookies are my comfort food – pizza would be but I can’t eat the cheap, fake, white-trash pizza anymore so the sb is the only kind for me and at $3 a pop, it seems a bit hefty.

I didn’t make it to the gym last night, opting to finish a Xmas present instead – which probably was stupid since I probably shouldn’t give it anyway. So tonight, though I need to make krumkake for the advent tea (and I won’t have time tomorrow with choir) I absolutely need to get to the gym, even if for 30 minutes to run. I did feel better last week after I had done this and I’m sorry I didn’t last night. It may help me sleep better (been restless lately) and of course I’ll feel better in the end.

Or maybe I just need to start taking vitamins.

Days 130-8, 131-9, 132-10, 133-11

I’m almost getting tired of keeping track of my sb days like this but I think it’s important to keep going too. If I stop I fear I won’t keep have any accountability and I’ll balloon back up and I can’t let that happen.

So my days have been pretty similar. I’m eating way too many cookies that I bake and not enough salad or good protein. Friday I made the carb-sense pizza again, but instead of splitting it into two pizza’s I just made one big one, which was a mistake. It didn’t roll out very well and the thick crust was too thick and hard to eat. Oh well…now I know. I did finally buy lettuce again. I just need to eat it now. I took out ground turkey for meatloaf this week. At least that I should be able to eat. :)

I’m not exercising enough either. I did make it back to the gym last Monday, but didn’t get in the rest of the week. So tonight I’m vowing to go and tomorrow night too. Maybe I can slowly build back up to 4 nights a week like I’d like. Or rather like I should. :)

day 128-6, 129-7

Tuesday was a good day. I thought I had written here but I guess that one went to the other blog. Oh well. Anyway, Tuesday was good for the most part. I’ve added Subway’s chicken/bacon/ranch wrap to my noon meals on occasion. It’s not bad, fills me up, I get a few carbs, it’s okay. Last night MLH and I went to Manny’s. A ton of food, but OH so good! There’s nothing like a perfectly done 10oz filet to finish up the night. So now I feel like an overstuffed cow (does that make me a cannibal?).

day 127-5

Went to the gym last night. I took me half an hour after I had gotten dressed to get out the door to the gym, but once I got there, the run felt really good.

Off the topic, I just have to say that every time I type the sb day and the date I feel like Jeffrey (jpm). After jpm had gotten a dui he gave up drinking and started a countdown (so to speak) of sobriety. He had, and probably still has, a board with 4 pegs and he hangs numbers on them. each day he changes the number with one more day of sobriety. The last time I saw him he was over 900 days. It was pretty cool. So everyday when I type in day 127-5 I think of jpm.

Day 123-1, 124-2, 125-3, 126-4

Wow…It’s December. It’s been 4 months. Finally I’m learning the funny things about my body:

1) I can’t eat a whole bun. I tried this Wednesday night, then to complete the experiment I tried it again on Friday and my whole stomach became a rock. I haven’t felt that icky in a long time. I had some pasta on Saturday - that was a bad move too. So some small portions of bread and maybe no pasta are okay – but not a whole bun. Good to know.

2) I have to drink my water. I’m not a big fan of plain water but I’ve found that if I only drink diet coke I don’t do so well.

3) I have to exercise. I have been feeling sluggish and crappy this whole week. Work hasn’t been that stressful, but the little things that have been pissing me off haven’t been worked out by running so the little things just keep getting bigger and bigger and they aren't important. Tonight I’m back in the gym.

4) Straight sugar does weird things to me. Friday I ate at Taco Bell. I took some small sips of the Baja Mt Dew (I was tired and wanted some caffeine, plus i sometimes miss Baja Mt Dew) and while I was eating the chulupa (yuck) my head actually started spinning for a moment. I was glad I was sitting down and had to stop and just breathe deeply (but quietly so not to freak joey out) and clear my head. Too weird.

So there’s the latest. I’m eating too many cookies and not running enough. That will change tonight. I got a work out from Keith – less intense than the one Jay sent and will begin that tonight. Should be interesting.

day 122-30

It’s almost time to leave on dec. 1 and I forgot to blog about yesterday. What a day. Crappy eats. Didn’t get to the gym. Drank during choir. Ate a bun which sat in my stomach like a rock…blech. I had to go home and sleep it off. Get that – I had to sleep off a burger bun! Man…my life has changed. It would have been the alcohol in a previous life but today it’s a bun.