Day 165-12

Note to self: Running less than 45 minutes after eating at Champps is NOT a good idea.

So I get a smiley but just a little one since I didn’t run long or hard enough last night. Oh, the chicken was good but it just sat in my stomach like a rock while I ran. Ugh. So I broke a sweat (probably fever induced from the ill feeling of the chicken in my gut) and then left the gym. Tonight I must go to make up for it. Food was okay yesterday – finished off the leftover chocolate toffee from Kellie – but otherwise I ate well. I’m drinking a lot of CL. Not sure if that’s a sign of becoming diabetic (I fear this since it runs in the family) or if it’s just that I’m trying to keep hydrated. It has helped my skin – it’s not near as dry as it was when I was drinking DC every day all day. So there we go.

Day 164-11

Well, *sigh* no smiley for me (not that I had time to get to the gym being at work til 5:30 then 3 hours of choir) but in reality I should get a big FAT frownie for Wed. I had completely forgotten that I had scheduled Kellie to come for a tasting for event stuff. Kellie and I had met in December at a Jaztro gig and found we work in similar areas – plus I’m SO jealous of her kitchen (I haven’t seen it yet, but I’m hoping someday to – her description makes my mouth water. Yes, I’m pathetic). So at 2pm I’m chomping on candy, so not sugar free though I did avoid the chex mix which was good. OH she makes good candy. Then I had fruit slices, oranges and apples, left over from the non-existent faculty meeting to counter the garlic chicken I had for supper. It helped my breath, but so not on phase 1.

So in an attempt to truly kill myself this morning I weighed in, just for kicks. And I’ve lost 2 pounds. (143, omigod I haven’t been this since college) HOW does this work? I don’t get it. Is it just ‘cause it is whoosh week? Is it because I’ve been drinking over 90 oz of CL and ONE diet coke a day versus the opposite as I had been? Maybe this phase 1 thing is for the birds. Well, it’s not, I know. But I remember writing in to the SB guy when I signed up for the website and when I had told him I was on phase 1.5 he said to go all the way to phase 2 which, he had said, is designed for the most weight loss. So I’m hoping that I’ll reset enough this week to get back on track and move into phase 1.5 next week and by the 23^rd be fully into phase 2. I don’t think 2 weeks on phase 1 is going to help me.

It’s probably a good thing I kept with the continuation of counting days. I have made a lot of changes over the past months and maybe those are what I should focus on:

• I don’t eat white trash pizza anymore. In fact the thought of it makes me feel nauseated.
  
• I don’t drink Mello Yello like water.
  
• I actually drink WATER (under the guise of CL, of course)
  
• I switched to Diet Coke with Splenda.
  
• I bring my lunch instead of eating out every day (this is good for the pocketbook too!).
  
• I love SF candy. "normal" stuff is just so sweet
  
• I buy lite cool whip instead of ice cream.
  
• I enjoy running and joined a gym.
  
• I rarely eat breads or pastas unless they are whole-wheat

I don’t know. It’s very weird. But I’m going to keep with it. Something is working even with my slip-ups. It’s crazy but I’m glad. Tonight is night out with the cool Y&F folks and then to the gym. I even brought my clothes along. Very strange, I am.

Day 163-10

SMILEY for me! Finally pulled my head out of my ass and went to Bally’s last night. It was good. Busy with all the new-yearer’s but a treadmill was open so I was happy. I love running next to big men, I fell little then. Plus sometimes I can match their pace, which helps my breathing. It’s weird, but when someone is pounding the conveyor belt next to me but is faster or slower than I am, and they’re pounding really hard, it’s difficult for me to concentrate. I don’t wear headphones, for many reasons, so the uneven rhythm is hard to follow. It’s nicer when the gym is practically empty, which it will be soon I hope, so I can space myself out a bit more.

So is it a perverted form of voyeurism to like watching your own legs run? It’s just amazing to see the power your body can do. Of course after running the mile and half, required by the AF and by then I was tired (SO out of shape), I walked on an incline for 3 minutes. Only three minutes because watching my legs jiggle and look super fat when walking is a great motivator to run more. So then I ran another 9 minutes before cooling-down. Not bad. I ended up 2.69 miles with over 300 calories burned. That’s a nice start PLUS, like I said, I get a smiley!

I can’t wait until people stop coming. Of course Bally’s is a little different since people have to pay to use the place. It was interesting to see the folks there last night especially since I’m not usually there on Tuesdays (that’s gonna change). But, all these couples were coming in to work out together (aw! make me puke) or the trio of girls who have decided to set goals together who stood giggling with each other and staring at the cardio equipment and wondering what to do when there was only 1 treadmill open and 2 elliptical’s (Oh heavens!). At least I don’t have any kids running around.

But I’m very excited right now. Things are going very well with eating and now working out. Of course it’s only been 2 days, but it’s a great start. Yay me!

Day 162-9

So I’m going to just continue the journey and keep marking as I have been. (thanks for your help JB!) I figure even though I splurged on cookies a lot during the last month (and boy do I mean a lot!) I still kept losing and I didn’t really stray from the plan overall. It’s a lifestyle change. I still avoided most bread, I tried to cook low-fat and low-sugar, and having reset myself this weekend I don’t know that I will stay on Phase 1 all that long. Really I’m giving up the SB food supplements via Kraft for the week and returning to the faboo SF candy and string cheese. It’s great and I don’t want to lose that momentum.

Yesterday was great. Eggs for breakfast, cheese for snack, salad for lunch (with OG dressing which only has 2g of sugar – yay!) with jello for dessert, cheese for pm snack, and chili parmesan chicken for supper (which I altered and also made a garlic one – recipe below) with a little cool whip for dessert. I did have a Clementine around noon but such a small orange I don’t think will affect me much – plus I need the Vitamin C after being around sick people all weekend. I can’t get sick!

So, last night I baked up a bunch of chicken with this recipe:

¼ cup low-fat parmesan grated cheese (the green container, you know), divided in half
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp garlic powder

Mix chili powder in one portion of cheese; Mix garlic powder in other half.
Coat chicken with choice of mixture.
Bake at 400 for 20 to 25 minutes or until cooked through.

I got this recipe off the Kraft SB website. It’s actually just the chili parmesan chicken recipe but I like garlic better. This is so good. It ends up being like breaded chicken but SO much better for you. It’s great hot or cut up cold for a salad (today’s lunch plan). YUM!

I didn’t go to the gym (no smiley) though I did do some crunches and push-ups to start preparing for February’s fit testing for guards. I feel bad I didn’t run, but I got so much prepared for the week – chicken cooked and cubed, jell-o made, grocery list made, a load of laundry done, dishes done, CL made for the day…it’s great. I usually do this all on Sunday nights, but that night I was exhausted from the weekend so it moved to Monday. But I feel prepared now. I’m really ready to get back into the swing of things. I can’t wait to run tonight. I’m actually looking forward to it. YAY!

Starting over-

Today I restart on Phase 1 again. As I’ve been keeping a tally of days I almost want to start with Day 1 again, but I’m not sure. I really didn’t go off the plan completely so I don’t want to restart my count (I mean, 161 days is nothing to sneeze at) but then I think if I start over it’ll be like a clean slate. Of course if I do start with counting today as day 1 again then it’ll seem more like a resolution than a continuation of a change I made back in August. I don’t know. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Anyone, anyone? Bueller? Bueller? I suppose I could count it as “Day 1/162-9” for today or would that get too confusing? That might help me track how many times I start over in the end. Oh, I don’t know. I guess I’ll sleep on it.

Day 159-6, 160-7, 161-8

This weekend was my reset weekend. The holidays are over so now it’s back to business, so to speak. Friday was my last day eating whatever. I had a BK burger for lunch and mom and I went out for Chinese for supper. I ate too much and felt like crap which is probably a good reminder why I shouldn’t eat that stuff. Saturday was liquid day. It’s supposed to be just water and juice but I added in tomato soup for supper. I needed something with a bit of sustenance. Of course then Sunday I could add in fruit and the apple I ate stuck in my stomach and made me feel like crap all day. Thank goodness this is over. It’s not normally this bad, but I had the wrong fruit. I think the reset works better with watermelon and grapes than apples. A note to remember if I have to do this again.

Day 156-3, 157-4, 158-5

These last three days have been great and bad all at once. I’ve worked to get back on track of making and bringing my lunch and breakfast – cheaper and better for me – (this is the good part) and K&E were in town last night so woohoo! (still good) we had WINGY!!!! mmmmm wingy. (good, but bad)

The other bad part is that I haven’t gotten back to the gym yet. Monday…Monday I must. I must, I must, I must increase my…workouts. (Are you there gym, it’s me…moe).

After tonight (the 6^th), I’m doing 3 days of reset before moving back to phase 1. I’ve really gotten off these past few months so I know if I don’t reset I’ll slip back to the cookies and pizza and stuff which isn’t going to help. Back to the basics, reset myself and back to the beach.

K&E got me a new “bible” for Xmas – The Low-Carb Bible. It’s SO awesome! It has all sorts of info and recipes that can be incorporated into the beach plan. It’s fabulous! I can’t wait to use it.

Day 154-1, 155-2

Well, the new year has begun. I tried a SB recipe one of these two days – it was actually an appetizer recipe (scroll down to Kraft products and recipes, click on learn more, snacks, mini spinich cups) and turned out not too bad. The turkey part was really salty for my taste, but overall I was pleased (esp. being a non-cream cheese person). They reheat well, too. I packed my lunch for today, which of course I decided to do this morning instead of last night so I was a little late for work (great way to start the year), but at least I’m taking the steps. I’m going to try to grill steak tonight on my George Foreman grill. I haven’t done that but I’ve been craving steak lately so hopefully it’ll work.

Next step: getting back to the gym. In light of jb’s and jf’s hatred of the resolutionary’s moving into the gym the first few weeks of January and causing a ruckus, I probably will go later in the evening and run for my 30 or so, and move in more next week with the weights and such after the first week rush is over. Besides, I haven’t had a smiley in my planner in a while and I need those smiley’s!

Oh and one more to add to the lifestyle changes below, but this is more of a goal with a deadline, and i hate deadlines: I have to run 1.5 miles in under 15 by March 1. here we go, girl.

Lifestyle changes – an update and refresher moment

Each January 1 seems to bring out the resolutions – things people will stop doing or start doing because, damn, their life needs to be fixed. The problem with these resolutions, per se, is that they come in the dead of winter after 2 months of overindulgence of food and drink and bad habits. And in this quick-fix world, when habits from old come into play while you’re trying to instill habits of new, the old habits seem to win out because the habits of new just don’t catch on quick enough. Someone once said it takes you 21 days to create or break a habit. I even mentioned that here at one point. So now I’m back to August, but with a few different moments and more specifics. Keith had wanted me to set a deadline, but I know me, and the moment I set a deadline I will procrastinate fulfilling that goal until the last possible moment and I know that anything with health can not be a quick-fix option – so then I’d fail and I’d fall off the wagon and balloon up probably bigger than I was before I began this 5 months ago. And I just can’t let me do that to me.

So here it goes – in no particular order – noting, of course that not all goals may be ‘health’ related in the traditional sense of the word, but some deal more with mental health, which is just as essential:

1) Achieve goal weight – no greater than 135. Less is good, but I want to be around 135.

2) In achieving number 1, my initial goal should fit better. :)

3) When number 1 is achieved, call KS and go shopping.

4) Work out at the gym at least 2-3 times a week (you’re paying for it, moe, use it!)

5) Incorporate weight training

a. Strengthen arms and pecs – get rid of the Dorothy flab and lift those boobs! :)

b. Strengthen and tone legs – quads, calves and glutes

c. Get ripped but not overly so – tone all over

6) Continue self-care

a. Massages, as needed (YAY!)

b. Use the tennis and golf balls!

c. Sit properly

d. Sleep properly

e. Stretch daily

f. Work-out as often as possible (daily? See number 4))

7) To achieve number 3, begin setting money aside now.

8) Set up separate accounts in ING

a. for car

b. for clothes

c. for Xmas

d. general savings

9) Finalize and use your budget – hello!

10) And in honor of fluidpudding.com: Convince The Person I Wish I Was and The Person I Truly Am to meet somewhere in the middle.

So this is what I have so far. I’m sure these lifestyle changes will change and evolve, as life does. Nothing is ever set in stone, and when you insist that it be, that’s when problems arise.

Day 151-29, 152-30, 153-31

So here we go. How did 2005 end for moe, you (probably won’t) ask? Well, not so well. I actually did break down and had a single serving bag of popcorn Friday night. it was good but not as good as it shoulda, coulda, woulda been. Well, that’ll learn me. And Saturday I went to the King and I with A&K, Chris and Bob and some girl Elizabeth before a night of drinking at the Lounge. It was okay, but I had the sweet & sour chicken – which was breaded and fried. Whoops. I think i also gained back those 2 pounds i had lost, but this week and next are whoosh weeks so maybe it'll all go away. Plus, it's time for some more lifestyle change goals and updates...to be posted soon.

just say no...

I’m eating a donut. And it’s good.

But I’m sure I’ll be sick later.

Damn peer pressure.

Days 145-23 through 150-28

I’d list them all but not worth it at this point. This weekend was a bomb but so much fun. Christmas brings goodies galore. We went with a low-key, low-stress Christmas dinner: Pizza from Papa Murphy’s and the traditional relish dish (inside joke). But then we ALL brought treats – I had made cookies, Joey had made treats, Lisa had made treats…it was insane! I haven’t weighed in this week because I fear that I’ve gained back the 5 pounds I’ve lost in the last month. I’m counting the days til convo is done so I can restart myself. That is the good thing about the SB thing – I can always go back to the beginning. I feel like Inigo Montoya. “…when a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning, and I'm staying till Vizzini comes.” Now I just need Vizzini to come and fix it all.

Perception is an interesting thing. I’m lighter now than I have been since college – COLLEGE! – and yet lately as I look at myself I still see me as fat. I probably always will. It’d be nice to just once be happy with myself for longer than a week. Maybe this’ll be the year to do that.

I’m still working on my next set of lifestyle changes. It’s been 5 months so it’s time to readjust things again. I’ll list them here once I figure them out. Accountability is key.

day 144-22

Last night was almost a disaster...I ALMOST had popcorn. But I didn’t. I kept hearing E’s words ringing in my ear, “no popcorn. Eat cheese.” But I wasn’t in the mood for cheese either so I had scrambled egg whites (with one yolk) and Special K protein plus for supper instead. Interestingly enough, I discovered the Special K Protein Plus has Less carbs and sugar and more protein than the South Beach cereal. Hello?! And it tastes pretty good!

Anyway, today (the 23^rd) is my last day here in the cities til Tuesday so after today my diet will be shot to hell. Pizza is our Christmas dinner of choice – plus crackers and cheese to snack on (along with the cookies and krumkake I’ll be making today). but next week I’m back in the gym – at least running and then after convo I’ll be getting back on a more regular schedule. I must!

day 143-21

I am such a lazy ass. I EASILY could have gone to the gym last night, but did i? nooooo. No I decide to sit at home and watch stupid TV, knit and take a bath instead. Pathetic, I am.

Tonight I’m making more cookies to take home. We decided to do pizza for Christmas and then snack on spichamere and cheese and crackers. But it just isn’t Christmas without krumkake and pb cookies. So alas, that is my goal today. Maybe the gym. I really need to get there or keith is going to kill me.

day 142-20

Yesterday was great – SB bar in the AM for breakfast, a few cookies, Subway for lunch, human contact meeting, then Good Earth for supper with Debbie. MMMM. My HCM was incredible, not that I remember much of it, but I do know that Keith and I talked about goals and future stuff. I wish I could think faster on my feet…that may be something to work on. I told him I was 10 pounds from my goal. He said, great, when is the deadline for your goal. Wow…I have no real deadline. I knew when I started in August that I wanted to lose 30 pounds, but having a deadline for that? Yeah, I don’t think I set one…nope… I didn’t. I just had the pseudo goal.

And I think part of why I didn’t set a specific deadline is because I didn’t want to put a final date on this and then if I don’t make it I’ll feel awful and like a failure and since I can do that pretty well on my own without deadlines I didn’t want to do that with this. Besides – it’s a Lifestyle Change – not a diet.

But I also know that I need to have some sort of goal/deadline on the exercise side. Initially I had said the 10K in February, but everyone knows I won’t make that. Probably a bad goal to set anyway since it’s really out of reach - not only physically but financially (though springing money to see Schlenker would be worth it - *sigh* Schlenker). But what kind of goal to have? Work out until I’m ripped? Uh, no. I’m not jay. Work out until I can run a mile at 6.5 without stopping? Maybe… But probably since I do have to run 1.5 miles in March or do the freakin’ step test again, I probably should go somewhere along those lines. 50 pushups by Feb 28. 100 crunches by Feb. 28. 1.5 miles in no more than 15 minutes by Feb 28. Step test, heart rate at 100 by Feb 28. I don’t know – are these smart goals?

i also was thinking today about perception again. The key to life is perception - I've lost 20 pounds. Initially I felt skinny, but now I'm starting to feel fat again - and it's not because of the cookies - but i'm perceiving myself as big. I'll always think I'm fat, even if I'm a twig. It's the nature of the beast, I think. too many years being the fat girl. When ever will I see myself as a smaller woman? I look at larger women I work with or I see on the street and I see myself in them. I think people see me that way too. It's not healthy. Someday this will pass. Maybe it's just the season. :)

Day 141-19

It’s hard to believe I’ve been going at this for 141 days. Wow…that seems forever (yet not). I was reflecting this morning on my self-care routine which began back in mid-July. Self-care is so important and i’m glad I stepped up and took it upon myself to do something to better me – for a better me. I just had a thought that LS really should have a class on that, but taking a class from an instructor on self-care seems like an oxymoron almost.

But I’ve been doing so many things to help me in so many ways: SB, natch; joining Ballys; going to Keith. Those are just the physical things. I also purchased season tickets to the Guthrie – to help my theatre and social life (of course I go alone, but still). I’m working on the relationships I have and am being a bit more cautious about whom I let into my life – life is too short to be stressing about friendships and being taken advantage of or feeling inadequate within them. There are still friends I don’t see near enough but they are always in my heart and mind, but right now just isn’t a good time to be ‘with’ them – for whatever reason.

Now also seems a good time to start thinking about the next year. This past year was my year of turning 30 and that sort of triggered all these changes in me. Now I’ll be 31 and I need to continue to do these changes and implement some more.

My friend Tre has a list of things she wants to do before she dies. Being an avid list-maker, as she is, I haven’t done this – which is shocking in the least. But here’s that fear – I fear that if I made the list and I wasn’t able to complete them that I would feel VERY inadequate and more of a failure than I usually do. So I haven’t made that list. I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I should suck it up and do it. (See Noogie’s post on fear) Or do it on a smaller scale – things I want to do before I turn 32. Then it’s not the clichéd resolution list for new year’s but a list of goals and lifestyle changes to improve my life (like kissing a guy under the mistletoe at Xmas - you know something really vital :) ). I’ll have to think about this and maybe post them here so I can be held accountable. There something daunting about putting it out on the internet for my friends to read, b/c again if I don’t achieve the goals, then it’s not just in my head, but everyone will know. But maybe that’s the challenge. I guess we’ll see.

Day 138-16, 138-17, 140-18

So I weighed in on Saturday or Sunday this weekend – I can’t remember which – and I’m at 145. YAY! 10 pounds to go. Though really I’m not uncomfortable at this point. I’m thinking of doing this if I can find the cash sometime. But my cash should probably go for new clothes first since these are so baggy. Though if i do do this, then i could maybe buy even smaller clothes! Oh and my hair is getting long. Well longish, considering I used to have a haircut quite close to a high and tight on a guy.

Not overly thinking about what I’m eating but I’m not eating horribly either – though 5 pb cookies with dark choc. kisses for supper Saturday wasn’t the best option. But you can’t beat warm, fresh cookies. Had salmon Sunday night at A&K’s. that was downright yummy. I had one piece of bread (NY Rye from the Finnish Bistro, as it is now named) and wanted another but held off. Yay me.

Day 137-15

I broke down and bought sb pizza when I was picking up more baking supplies. It’ll be very good when January comes. I’ll be back on phase 1 after convo/guards. I figure the next two weeks are pretty much a loss and the week of convo I’ll be out with friends drinking and eating wingy! so I might as well just suck it up and wait til after that to reset myself. Things haven’t been bad – weighing today (as it’s the middle of the month) and I’m maintaining between 146 and 148, which is so much better than I thought I’d be at after what I have been eating lately. So something I’m doing is right. That helps my attitude at least.

Emotionally I’m so much better today than I have been. Maybe it’s the lack of students, maybe it’s the greater amount of sleep (well the accurate amount at least) or maybe it’s finally letting go of some of the stress. Things are getting checked off – shopping is done which is good, students are basically gone which is better, HO’s party is done, and I’m taking some afternoons off over the next couple weeks which helps not only my vacation time but mentality.

day 136-14

Not a bad day. Not the best either. I didn’t bring any cookies with me and at about 9am I had the sugar withdrawl. I felt like Elaine Benes in the episode with all the birthday parties and get-well parties and 4pm sugar fix. I broke down and bought cookies from the café but EW! Not to be biased but I love my cookies…so much better. Oh well. Eventually I’ll be able to break myself of this, but since I know that won’t happen until after Christmas I’m just going to try to keep it to a minimum and not eat an entire batch at a time. Man…even that seems like a lofty goal at this point.

Feeling a bit better today, emotionally at least. Maybe it’s that students are almost gone. Maybe it’s finding out that kent had a stroke (update – found out today 12/15 that he passed away overnight) or that mike’s mom died that has changed my mood. Death shouldn’t be a happy thing, and it’s not, but it definitely can be a wake up call. Hello! Life is way too short to be worrying about this nonsense I have been. Nothing in my life is life threatening (except the other crazy MN drivers) and in reality things are going really well. As Keith said once, it’s all a matter a perspective.

day 135-13

Well, that was stupid – like I would have ANY energy to work out after an hour with Keith doing deep tissue. Hello! In fact, I was so out of it after we got done that Keith gave me a diet coke to wake up. Didn’t help much. Good thing the snow hadn’t started yet so I could make it home fairly safely.

I made turkey meatloaf last night (should that be turkloaf?). not bad, not good either. But at least it’s something different. Also started krumkake for the advent tea, but at 9:30 I was completely zonked so I went to bed. I’m glad I can sleep like a rock once I turn off my brain, but the turning off the brain is the hard thing. I was awoken at 1am from some ahole calling – which actually was a bit disturbing since he new my name and then asked if I was married with children – when I asked his name after this question (w/o answering it) he said it was “matchbox”. What the hell? So I hung up on him, which in hindsight I should have done from the beginning. But then it took a long time to shut down my brain again to fall asleep, and making it worse was realizing that I would have to be up in 4 hours to shovel. Ugh!

I need a nap.